Listen to the black Raven sing
by RoseandThorns
Summary: AU story. Three years ago they lost Dick to the Joker, a crowbar and an explosion. Jason watched his family fall apart and knew he couldn't save them. But then the impossible becomes reality and the golden boy returns. He is not the same. Nightwing cannot be trusted. Jason isn't sure if he'll ever get his older brother back.
1. Listen to the black Raven sing

A/N: This is an AU story, it will not follow the story line of the comics. I wanted to see how the characters would react if it was Dick that the Joker killed.

Ages:

Dick- 16 (time of death)/19 for the rest of the story.

Jason-17.

Tim-15

Damien-11

Any questions/comments please don't be afraid to review but try not to flame me too much.

...

Listen to the Black Raven sing.

Jason Todd.

I remember the day our world changed so clearly. It's been woven into the fabric of time and tattooed on my soul. A phantom that could never be out run. The feel of Dick's old bike beneath me and the frigid bite of the wind against my cheeks. The way my heart beat out an unusual but terrified rhythm deep in my chest and wouldn't stop. Batman streaked ahead of us and for the first time I could see true fear in his eyes.

We had to get there. Just this once, we had to win. We couldn't lose him. Not to the Joker.

I watched Batman throw himself of the seat of his motorbike and charge up the snowy incline. I started to breathe again, we weren't too late and he could still be saved. The snow crunched beneath my tires as I brought the bike to a gentle stop and went to dismount. A terrible explosion ripped everything apart and sent me crashing backward through the air.

"NO!"

It took me a moment to realise that it wasn't me crying out, that I hadn't found my voice yet past the sudden onslaught of grief. The voice didn't belong to Batman; it belonged to Bruce the father. I pushed myself to my feet and stumbled forward. The Dark Knight stood still in the sudden blizzard, his cape twisting in the breeze.

"Bats?" I questioned and silently pleaded for him not to confirm the fears running through my head.

"...Jason. I...I...he's gone."

He turned around and my knees hit the ground but I barely felt the pain. Dick, my glorious golden older brother lay limp and bloody in our father's arms. Bruce cradled him tightly to his chest, tears dribbling from underneath his cowl in a flow that would never stop. Bruce sank to the snow beside me and pressed his forehead against Dick's, snatching at Dick's Robin costume and whispering into his ear. I couldn't hold back my loud sobs as they ripped from my chest. My knees caught on hidden rocks as I forced myself to crawl toward them and take Dick's frozen hand in mine.

"You can't be gone, Dickie. Please." I whispered. "We're supposed to take Damien and Tim to the movies tomorrow, remember?"

Bruce looped one arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. "I'm so sorry Jase."

I looked back down at the dead face of my brother and shook my head slowly. The wind played with his hair and snow dusted his eyelashes.

"You should apologise to him."

"I do. I...I...God Dick. I'm so sorry son."

"What do we do now?"

...

Three years later.

Nothing was ever the same again. The house got darker and quieter and Dick's bedroom became a shrine to him in the middle. Over time, it stopped being a home and became just bricks and mortar. I watched Bruce lose himself to Batman's darkness and almost never shake it off. Tim got lost in books and Red Robin; I didn't know how to breach the gap between us. Damien became this angry, snarling spitfire that didn't listen to anyone and had no respect for his family. He took Robin far away from the joyful happy boy he was supposed to be. It always looked wrong to see the ice in Robin's eyes where I remembered love. Red Hood was born from the blood of that devastating night and from the heartache of the people he loved. An assassin unable to follow Batman's strict rules but unwilling to leave home completely. I still needed that piece of Dick nearby even if it was just his memory. I forgot how to smile, to laugh and how to trust the only man who had ever been my father. Dick snatched the sunlight away with him and I couldn't get it back.

I had no idea how much he meant to me.

It started when Harley Quinn's mangled body washed up on Gotham's docks. Whoever had finally rid us of her had taken their time. She had been pushed around but still her face was perfect. Around her neck though was a string of purple bruises like a necklace. Secretly I was glad someone had taken her out. I knew my brothers agreed. We found Two-Face's corpse on a warehouse roof two days later. His suit was a mess of blood and dirt and when I crouched down to see his face; I could see the horror still in his eyes. For once, Bruce didn't have any answers only endless questions.

Then the whispers on street corners started. A black suited man who melted into the night and attacked with deadly precision. No one had ever seen his face, just a cackle in the night or a silhouette against the moon. The thugs of Gotham couldn't answer my questions even with my gun pressed against their foreheads. Batman dropped everything and put hours into searches for a man who might as well have been a shadow. We found nothing. For weeks he dropped off the radar but people kept talking about him. The nameless warrior who had never spoken a word, not even to the people he rescued.

But when Selina turned up soaking wet and terrified at our front door we realised it was much more personal than we had ever believed. Bruce immediately pulled her into the house and sat her down on the pristine couch. I looked up from my magazine and turned toward the shaking woman. At the noise of her arrival Tim and Damien poked their heads around the door.

"What happened, Selina?" Bruce questioned softly.

She gasped and fluffed out her black hair. "I was in the lower East side and...and...I met _him._"

"Him?" I repeated. "You mean that guy everyone's been going on about? You saw him?"

Selina nodded and reached into her pocket. She pressed a photograph into Bruce's hands and wrapped her fingers around his. To my shock her free hand reached out and took mine. I didn't ask why, I understood something more was going on.

"His name is Nightwing. He's not a bad guy, just a bit lost." She reported. "But you have to stop him, before he does something he can't take back."

Bruce let me snatch the photograph from his hand and beckon my brothers' over. The man in the photograph was lithe but well built with muscles rippling underneath his suit. Selina hadn't managed to catch his face, just a mass of dark raven hair and a blue insignia across his chest.

"I'm so, so sorry." Selina whispered. "It shouldn't have come to this. He's going after the Joker. Tonight. One of them won't come back."

For a heart beat I was torn. The Joker was the monster who had ripped Dick away from me and he deserved everything he got. But Batman's training whispered in my ear and I knew I would follow it.

"Where?" Tim demanded.

"Where you found Harley Quinn."

Bruce nodded. "Suit up boys."

He stalked away from us without a backward glance, Damien marched behind him. Tim spared Selina one last look and followed after them. I turned to leave but Selina seized my wrist and pulled me back around to face her.

"Nightwing is dangerous, Jason and he's done many things I wish he hadn't. But I want you to give him a chance to explain. Promise me."

There was something in her eyes that frightened me. A secret so terrible she didn't want to believe it herself.

"I...I..."

"Promise me."

"Y-yes. Okay, I promise."

Selina relaxed and let go of my wrist. "Good. Maybe you can fix him."

"Fix who?"

She just gave me a strange, sad smile and swiftly left the mansion. Something sank deep inside my stomach and festered like a disease inside.

"Jason, let's go!" Tim bellowed from somewhere in the house.

"I'm coming."

...

The darkness stretched out over Gotham and brought the stars out in pin pricks against the inky blackness. I landed softly on the rooftop of an abandoned warehouse and listened to the gentle lapping of the water. Batman approached quietly from my right and my brothers' hovered on the next roof. Our trap was set; we just had to hope we got their first.

"I haven't had this much fun in years." The Joker's voice rang out. "Oooh, do it again."

I crept toward the sky light and peered through the dirty glass. Below I could see the Joker strapped to a chair but laughing manically. A figure in black danced around him, moving like a spectre. Batman nodded once and crashed down through the glass. Nightwing rolled away from the shards that rained down on him and span to hide behind a broken box. The Joker laughed again, an eerie sound that haunted my nightmares every night.

"Shut up." I growled.

"This is going better than I planned! Where did he go? I want to see your faces when you work it out."

"Work what out?" Red Robin snarled.

I turned away and paced toward the shadows I had seen Nightwing flee too. Something scuffled and I brought my guns up on reflex. I snapped around the corner but Nightwing had already vanished. The Joker was still cackling behind me, rambling on about 'him' and 'it was worth it'. Above me the breeze rushed in through an open window and with gritted teeth I walked back toward Batman.

"He's gone."

Batman nodded grimly and turned back to the Joker. The painted devil's lips stretched back in a blood red smile and his eyes shone with amusement.

"I know who Nightwing is. Do you want to know?"

Batman seized hold of the Joker's purple suit. "Who?"

"His name is-."

Something rattled down from the rafters and cut of the Joker's words. I glanced down at the object at my feet and kicked it away.

"Cover your eyes!" I ordered.

I flung my hands up just in time as a white light exploded around us and stole away my sight. When I finally regained my vision just seconds later, the Joker was gone. Nightwing had beaten us.

"Damn." I hissed.

"We will be ready next time." Damien vowed.

I stalked away from them and out onto the empty road. The summer night still held its uncomfortable heat and it made my costume stick to my skin. I pushed my guns back into their holsters and swung my leg over my bike. But something made me stop and look back the way I had come. Nightwing stood motionless on the roof, staring down at me through the lenses of his black and white mask. For a moment I couldn't look away from him and he seemed just as surprised as I was.

"What are you looking at Red Hood?" Red Robin questioned.

Nightwing jerked like someone had slapped him and his burning gaze swung around to my brother. I pointed numbly upward and heard Red Robin's answering gasp.

"Nightwing. Will you come down so we can talk?" Red Robin asked hopefully.

Nightwing shook his head and looked past us to Batman and Robin, his hands clenched into fists. As I stared up at him I could see agony and anger in his body and a small amount of sympathy rose up in me.

"Please. We just want to talk." I tried to convince him.

A car backfired somewhere and it stole my attention for a moment and when I looked back Nightwing was gone.

"Something's not right." I breathed. "I thought...I thought I knew him."

...

I ripped off my helmet the second I got home and abandoned Red Hood in the depths of the Cave. Something's even he couldn't protect me from, some mysteries he was too cold to work out. Tim sent me a small smile as I walked past him and turned to report out encounter to Batman. Bruce was a rarity these days; I could barely remember what it felt like to talk to him. I nodded to Alfred as I past him on the stairs and watched a faint smile flicker onto his lips. Alfred had tried to keep this shattering family together but he couldn't do it. We all needed the boy who would never be here again. I wandered past my bedroom to the door that was always kept shut but never locked. I didn't want it to ever be locked, it felt to much like we were trying to force his memory away. I pushed the door opened and stepped into the room, it was exactly the same as the day Dick died. His bed made but the pillow slightly off centre. The pile of mystery novels on his desk and the Sherlock Holmes book he had been reading still marked with a slip of paper. I moved further into the room and let the door slam shut behind me. Despite everything that had happened, there was still a small amount of joy and innocence to my older brother's room. It was welcoming and safe. I slipped underneath the bed sheets and pulled them up over my head and squeezed my eyes shut. They didn't smell off Dick anymore, they had become stale but I pretended they did. Hidden away inside my blanket fortress it was easy to make believe that Dick was laughing at something on the TV or was lying next to me in the darkness spinning an amazing story to keep the nightmares away. I kept my eyes tightly shut; opening them would only ruin my dreams.

"Jason?" Tim called softly.

They're not allowed to call me Jay anymore. Only Dick could call me that.

"Yeah Timmy?"

"Can we join you?"

"Sure."

The corner of the sheets lifted up and I felt my younger brothers' small bodies squeeze in next to mine. I reached blindly out and drew the sheets around us, anchoring them underneath Tim's arm. Finally I opened my eyes and peered into the pale faces looking back at me. I attempted to find a smile for them but it ended up feeling like a grimace.

"I miss him." Damien confessed timidly.

I ran my hands through his hair and sighed. "I know buddy. I miss him too."

"This place isn't right without him anymore." Tim stated tearfully. "I want him back."

"He's not coming back. He can't."

Not when he had been buried in the ground for three years. Damien sniffed and curled up closer to me.

"Do you remember that day when he ate so much sugar he was bouncing of the walls for hours? Bruce couldn't calm him down." I laughed.

Tim giggled. "Yeah. We couldn't get him to come down of the bars. He just kept spinning and laughing. I thought Bruce was going to have a meltdown. He kept playing that song...'Rockin' Robin' all day."

"I wish...I wish I had told him how amazing he was." Damien sighed and turned onto his back. "Do you think he knew?"

"Yeah kid. I think he knew. In fact I am positive he knew that we loved him and that he was our hero."

Because Bruce could never be. Bruce was cold and got lost in Batman all the time. Dick had been warmth and love and had been the arms we had run to when the nightmares had taken hold. Dick had to have known. I couldn't live with myself if he died thinking we just tolerated him.

"Can you keep a secret?" Tim breathed.

I rolled over onto my side and peered at him. "What?"

"You have to swear not to tell Bruce."

Damien nodded and moved so he could see Tim's face. I touched his forehead briefly and quirked my lips again.

"We swear."

"When I was looking at Nightwing I was so sure I knew him, you even said it yourself Jason. There was something about him that I recognised and it made me feel...safe."

"What are you saying Drake?"

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. "I think Nightwing is Dick."

Stunned silence greeted his announcement and the pain of hope shot through my chest.

"Dick is dead, Tim. I saw his body. The warehouse blew up, he couldn't be saved." I snapped.

"I know what happened Todd. But you saw something in Nightwing just like me. Nightwing should have attacked us when we ambushed him. He didn't. He has only ever gone after the villains that tried to hurt us and he let Selina see him."

"...Selina...she knows!" I exclaimed and jerked upright. The blankets fluttered down around us and I took a deep breath of the cool fresh air.

"What?" Damien asked

"She told me to 'fix' him. The way she spoke about Nightwing it made me think she knew him. She was upset about the choices he had made. But I can't believe it's him."

"Why not? Just think about it. We could have him back."

"Because he can't be. I'm sorry Tim but it's impossible."

I climbed of the bed and padded toward the door.

"So? We see the impossible everyday Jason. Why can't we have a miracle too?"

"I can't."

...

But Tim's words got stuck in my head and kept whispering loudly in my ear. The hope pressed down on my heart and my soul and made me believe that perhaps I hadn't lost Dick that night. I crept out late at night once everyone had fallen into dreams and stole into Gotham's streets. It was foolish of me to brave the city as Jason Todd but Dick's little brother could get closer to him than Red Hood ever could. I danced around the corner and ducked away from a large group of thugs. They laughed boisterously and pushed against my shoulder and sent me crashing into a trash can. I span around and sank my fist into the gut of the man closest to me. He let out an angry cry and smashed his foot into my knee. Taken by surprise at the speed he recovered I crashed to the ground heavily. I leaped to my feet and lashed out, feeling cartilage shatter beneath my fist. His friends reacted violently and something heavy landed on my back and brought me back down. The fists rained down on me and I curled up to protect my face.

"ENOUGH!" A voice roared.

"Crap its Nightwing. Move!"

Nightwing leaped over me and chased the thugs down the alleyway a few meters and then paused. I pushed myself to my knees and spat out a mouthful of blood. Nightwing didn't turn to face me and I wondered if he was contemplating his choices. To stay or run.

"Something you want to tell me Nightwing? Catwoman is convinced I know you."

He chuckled humourlessly and looked back at me. He was standing in the right place from the buildings around us to cast a shadow on his face. I wanted to shake him in my anger and longing.

"You shouldn't be here." He scolded. "It was stupid to be out here without your suit on."

I stepped toward him, my palms started to sweat and my heart raced. Nightwing didn't move, just watched me approach him.

"It's you, isn't it?"

"Jay...stop. It's best you don't see me."

I shook my head and stubbornly walked toward him. "Tell me it's you. Dick, please."

Nightwing sighed and kept watching me walk toward him. "I mean it Jason. This is your last chance to walk away. It's the only way I can keep you safe."

I was close enough to touch him now. "Say it!"

"It's me Jaybird. I'm Dick, promise."

My hand reached up and curled around the corner of his mask. He let me peel it gently away from his skin and pull him into the semi circle of artificial light. The changes in Dick's face nearly took my breath away, the boy had become a man and we had missed it. His eyes were still a beautiful sharp blue but they seemed so much older, there was a sea of sorrow buried deep inside that I didn't understand. I swallowed back my tears and grabbed him, terrified to let him go.

"How are you back?"

"It's a long story. I don't have time to tell you right now."

"Come back to the Cave."

"...Jay...I can't..."

"You can. Please! Come back."

"But Bruce..."

"Screw Bruce. We need you. Tim, Damien and I. I can't go back to them and tell them I let their older brother run away. Three years, Dick." I bowed my head against his chest. "That's too long. Please, I've missed you."

His arms wrapped around my back and his chin rested on my head.

"I can't Jason. I'm sorry. Bruce doesn't want to see me. It's best you forget you did."

He pulled away before I could fully understand what he had said to me.

"NO!"

I tried to grab him but he slipped through my fingertips and tore down the alleyway. I didn't have a hope of catching him and my heart felt so much heavier as I walked glumly back toward the manor. Dick had come back. His secrets would not take him away from me again.


	2. Always my Hero

A/N: Thank you for all those wonderful, lovely reviews/favourites/alerts. They mean so much.

Enjoy!

...

Listen to the Black Raven sing.

Always my Hero.

Jason.

_*Flashback*_

_I sped down the street, my helmet wonky on my head and not clipped underneath my chin and my bike wobbled underneath me. The wind slammed against my cheeks and stung at my eyes. I loved the speed and the freedom of the bike and Bruce left in my dust. I think I must have gotten a little cocky and took a corner much too fast and barely avoided colliding with a car. The bike slipped from underneath me and banged into the fence. I skidded down the street in a tangle of pain and terror. Concrete bit into my skin and my helmet flew off, my jeans provided little protection. In a daze, I rolled to a stop and blinked up at the sky, my body a blaze of pain._

"_Jason!" Dick cried. _

_My ten year old brother slammed down to his knees beside me and brushed my hair away from my eyes. He was visibly shaken and upset by my fall but he schooled his face within a heart-beat and smiled comfortingly at me._

"_Oh Jaybird, what have you done? Let me see."_

_He peered at my forehead and wiped a trail of blood away, his lips twisted slightly. I offered Dick my torn palms and he took them gently in his hands. Gravel had gotten lodged in the scrapes and he brushed the loose ones away carefully. My knees were wet and Dick eased my trouser legs up and clicked his tongue at my damaged knees. The shock had suddenly given way to fright and tears sprang to my eyes. Dick looked surprise and gathered me into his arms. _

"_It's okay little bro. You're not badly hurt. Let's get you back to the Manor and get you cleaned up. Don't cry."_

_I clung to the safety of my big brother and locked my arms tight around his neck. Dick huffed playfully but cradled me against his small chest and carried me back toward the house. _

"_Love you Dickie." I murmured. _

"_I love you too, Jay."_

_Dick Grayson was a Hero long before Robin ever was. He was my Hero._

_*End Flashback*_

I dropped into my bedroom through my opened window and shut it quietly behind me. I had always thought that seeing Dick again would heal the hole that had been punched through me but it only felt deeper. Dick was in trouble and instead of running to his family he was running away from us. He was killing villains and pounding thugs to bloody pulps with a strange sort of terror in his eyes. Nightwing was black, dark and dangerous and I still thought of Dick as a bright Robin. Everything was different and thrown of balance but despite the whispered warning I smiled widely.

Dick was alive.

The giddiness wouldn't leave me and I bounced once on the balls of my feet. I could fix what was wrong, could fight Dick's demons and bring him home. I crept to the bedroom door and peered out into the silence of the Manor. At this time of night Batman would be out patrolling and it was most likely my brothers would have gone with him. I dashed to Tim's bedroom door and threw it opened loudly; Tim jumped and glared at me.

"What are you...what happened to you?" He frowned. "Your lip is bleeding."

"Got in a fight." I dismissed and wiped my hand across my face.

"Seriously? I saw the Red Hood costume downstairs, you weren't patrolling. What were you doing?"

I slunk across his room and perched on his bed; Tim raised his eyebrow and clicked his tongue. I rolled my eyes at him and ignored his irritation.

"I went out looking for Nightwing."

"Did he punch you?"

"What? No. Some thugs did this. He stopped them."

"You let some thugs get the jump on you. Really?"

"No, I used them as bait to lure Nightwing. It worked, guess he still has a hero complex."

"Jason?"

I heard the fragile hope in Tim's voice and nodded. "Yeah, it's him. Dick's alive."

Tim stared at me blankly for a moment and then a smile so bright it nearly blinded me bloomed across his features. He cheered and threw his arms around my neck and I forgot myself and embraced him back. Tim pulled back, his cheeks dusted pink and his eyes shining with a happiness I thought I'd never see again.

"You're sure."

"I'm positive. I took of his mask, there's no doubt."

Tim sat down on the bed beside me and dragged his hands over his face. The need to sob was rising in me and I could see Tim fighting the same emotions. I said nothing when Tim leant into my side and took a deep breath. The bedroom door opened quietly and Damien approached us, for once looking all his eleven years. He said nothing as he clambered up beside me and toyed with the edge of the blankets.

"What did he say?" Tim questioned.

"Not a lot. Mainly he told me to stay away from him."

Tim wrinkled his nose. "That doesn't sound like him."

"He said he was trying to keep us safe."

"That sounds like him. No idea from what?"

I shook my head. "No idea. He left before I could stop him."

We sat in silence for a few seconds before Tim turned to me and his eyes softened. His gaze ran over my face and took in my tired eyes and my sore lip.

"No matter what, everything's going to be all right."

_*Flashback*_

"_ARR! You scurvy dogs! AVAST!" Dick cackled manically and brandished a broom handle at my face playfully. "Be prepared to walk the plank!"_

_Tim squealed in joy with a napkin tied around his head and a personalised eye patch strapped across his left eye. I swiped a stick at Dick and the movement upset the pirate hat perched on my head, it slipped down over my face. Dick laughed and when I finally managed to right my hat, Dick was balanced on a tree branch above us._

"_Never!" Tim cried._

_Tim was the only one with a plastic sword but his small arms couldn't reach up to poke Dick with it. Dick giggled again and cart-wheeled further away from us._

"_This be my ship, you will never take it from me." Dick announced. _

_As I turned to jab Dick I saw Bruce leant in the doorway with Damien at his feet. The gentle smile on Bruce's face was rare and so happy it made everything brighter. This was everything I had ever wanted, a family and to be loved. I had found it with this dysfunctional family and the man who had become Batman. Bruce caught my eye and smiled at me. _

"_Hi Bruce!" Dick greeted and waved._

"_Ssh, Dick. You're an evil pirate, be evil." Tim scolded. _

"_Oops. Sorry Timbo." Dick grinned. "Come and get me."_

_Tim waggled his sword at Dick's legs and pouted when he couldn't reach Dick. Our older brother danced gracefully away on the tree branch and laughed. I walked up behind Tim and stuck my hands under his armpits, lifting him up so we could both attack Dick. There was a dull thwack as the plastic edge hit Dick's shins. Dick yelped and lost his footing. There was a horrible second of him falling from the branch and landing harshly on the floor. Tim wailed, I screamed, Bruce swore and Damien cried. _

"_Dick!" I sobbed. _

"_Ow. That was mean." Dick pouted and sat up. "But good shot, Timmy."_

"_I'm s-sorry Dick." Tim sobbed and threw himself across Dick's chest._

"_Ah Tim, it's OK. I'm not hurt. See?" Dick stood up and balanced Tim on his hip. "All good."_

"_Don't hate meeee!" _

_Dick smiled softly and pressed a kiss to Tim's temple. "You listen to me now. There's nothing you could do to make me hate you. Ever. I don't mind that you knocked me out of a tree, it was a really good shot."_

_Tim sniffed and calmed down, nuzzling his face into Dick's neck and latching a hand onto Dick's collar. Then my older brother turned to me and smiled._

"_You all right there, Jaybird?" _

"_Don't ever do that again. Don't get hurt."_

_Dick touched his lips to the crown of my head. "I can't promise you that, Little Wing. But I can promise I will always try to come back."_

_And I believed him. Dick would never lie to us._

_*End Flashback*_

I will always try to come back.

For three years I had clung to the vague hope that Dick could pull of another miracle. I had almost given up hope but then he had done the impossible. But the man he had become was not the boy I remembered. Nightwing had a darkness that scared me. Scarecrow turned up in a deserted alleyway two nights after Dick had reappeared. Again he was bloody but somehow still conscious. I dropped down beside him and stared down at his mask with a sneer. Scarecrow muttered about ghosts and demons, terrified out of his mind. A hand snaked around my ankle and tugged weakly; I ripped my leg away and stared down at him.

"What?" I growled.

"...Nightwing...evil." His eyes slipped to something beside me and his raised a shaking hand to point weakly. "Devil."

He flopped weakly down onto the ground and one last breath rattled out of his chest. I watched detachedly as he died and span around into the darkness of the night. A chill wrapped itself around my heart and squeezed painfully. My brother was many things but he was not evil. I had never thought he was a killer. Red Robin couldn't tear his eyes away from Scarecrow's corpse and I could see the same thoughts in my head running through his.

Dick did that? Dick killed all these people? Why?

"We need to find him." I insisted. "Before Batman does."

Tim nodded. "How? If he's so determined to stay away from us, he won't be easy to find."

I tapped my finger against my chin. "He came when I was in trouble. Maybe we all need to be."

"You want us to lose a fight so that Dick has no choice and has to come and rescue us?"

"Basically yeah."

Tim thought for a second and nodded once. "OK. But we need Damien."

...

We had our plan. It was one made from desperation, questions and tears but we knew it would work. No matter how different Dick's resurrection had caused him to be, he was still our protective older brother. Damien barely argued with us when we told him we were going to tempt Dick out. But we didn't tell Bruce and it never crossed our minds to inform Batman. We needed this time to convince Dick to listen to us before Bruce got his claws into him.

I barely dodged a bullet and wondered if it was wise to attract this much attention. I hadn't thought the bad guys would be this heavily armed and Dick should have been here by now. My com link kept beeping nosily and I could only imagine the anger my foster father would be feeling. A fist glanced of my shoulder and Red Robin hissed in pain, I snapped my attention to him in time to see him cradle his arm. Blood snaked down from a jagged cut on his forearm.

"Well, look at that; the Bat Brats do bleed." A nameless crook laughed.

Damien reached by slamming his fist into someone's gut and taking out another man's legs. I spent a man crashing across the room and watched him collide with the wall. Damien hit the ground hard and growled, shaking out his wrist and palpitated the joint.

"This was not a good idea." Tim hissed.

"This is a fantastic idea, Dick's messing it up." I argued.

Something hard and cold slammed against my head and the world slipped out of focus. Everything sounded far away, the pain was disconnected even though I was aware of it and all I could really hear was my own pounding heart. My legs couldn't support my wavering body and folded underneath my weight. Someone called my name but I didn't know who.

"...son."

A face stared into mine, a black mask and a red costume. His mouth was moving and he kept pointing madly behind him.

"...hear me?...son?"

"T-Timmy?" I garbled.

"JASON! SNAP OUT OF IT! We need to stop him, he's gonna kill them!"

"Who?"

I pushed myself to my knees and stared passed Tim; a terrible roar echoed around us and stilled my movements. But then Damien uttered a frightened 'no' and I forced myself to react. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw, I could barely comprehend it. There was one thug unconscious on the ground, one arm bent unnaturally and another hovering on the edge. A bloody crowbar lay at my feet and I knew instinctively that I had been hit by it.

"Don't you ever touch my brothers with _that!_" Nightwing's voice was ice, poison and stone.

He crouched over a motionless man with one hand raised back to strike. The man's face was streaked with blood, his nose crooked and one eye swelling shut but Nightwing didn't see it. He was too caught up in his anger.

"STOP!" Tim cried.

Nightwing obeyed him and lowered his fist. For a moment he didn't move then he rolled of the man and watched him sprint away.

"Nightwing..."

"Are you all right Red Hood?" He barked.

"Uh...yes. Listen we need to talk to you."

Nightwing fixed me with a look of pure anger and it made my heart skip a beat. Dick had never looked at me like that, even when we had argued.

"_There's nothing you could do to make me hate you."_

"The only thing you need to do is go home. Stop looking for me. It's only going to get you killed."

"I don't care." Damien insisted. "You are going to listen to us."

"No. I'm not. Pull a stunt like this again and I won't stop it."

"_I love you too Jay."_

"We'll keep doing it until you talk to us!" Tim promised.

Nightwing sighed in frustration. "What do you want?"

"You're our brother and you've been dead for three years. We want you."

To my surprise it was Damien who broke the distance between us and rushed at Nightwing. He collided with the bigger body and wrapped his arms around his waist. Nightwing blinked and stared down at the head of hair pressed against his stomach.

"Robin?"

"Damien." Our youngest brother corrected with a trembling voice. "I'm Damien. And you're Dick. Not Nightwing. Please."

Nightwing raised his eyes to the ceiling and took a deep breath. "I...I...Dick died, Little D. I'm not sure who I am anymore."

"You're still him." Dick's burning eyes latched onto me. "You came for us when we needed you."

"But I...I've done so many terrible things and it's not safe to be around me."

I shrugged. "We're Bats. Nothing in our life is safe."

Something seemed to break in Tim and he shot forward, shoving Damien out of the way and wrapping his arms around Dick's torso.

"I've missed you, you stupid idiot. We don't care what you've done, come home."

Dick opened his mouth to respond but Batman's gravelly voice in our ears caught us off guard. I jumped and swore, Tim laughed and I waited for a smile to form on Dick's face but it never did.

"Yes?"

"Meet me at the docks; Nightwing's been at it again."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Bring the others."

I looked up at my older brother. "Kill anyone tonight?"

Tim looked appalled but didn't let go of Dick and Damien had wrapped himself around Dick's leg. Dick shook his head but a ghost of a secret shot across his eyes.

"Batman wants us at the docks. Are you coming Dick?"

"Yeah. But if Batman kills me, I'm haunting you."

"Don't worry about him Dick. He'll have to go through me."

Anyone who tried to take my brother from me again would have to go through me. No one was taking him away again.


	3. Mine

A/N: I'm very sorry that it took me so long to write this chapter. I couldn't get it to flow right. The next chapter will be up sooner. Thank you for all your support.

...

Listen to the Black Raven sing.

Bruce/Batman

Mine.

Three years. Three endless years of grief and tears and guilt. Of nights haunted by his final moments and the bloody burnt body I had grasped to me. Everything got a little darker. My boys got a little more dangerous and lost. And we missed him. With every second of every moment and every breath.

And the world didn't understand; it didn't mourn with us. It didn't care.

The Teachers tried at first to be supportive and let small rule breakings slide. But then Jason got caught skipping class and smoking behind the bike sheds and suddenly he was a problem child. No one stopped to realise that his role model was gone. It shouldn't have come as a surprise when Damian got suspended for giving a boy a black eye and a chipped tooth. But it did, in the space of an hour he became a delinquent on report. I couldn't get into his head like Dick could; I didn't know how to talk to him. One day Tim just shattered and I couldn't pull him out of the black hole he had fallen into. He wouldn't reach for my hand; he only wanted his oldest brother. And then there was me; a Father and a Business man who couldn't function. It felt like the Phantom of Dick's death had a tight grip on my insides and froze them. I lost interest with my remaining beautiful sons and with life. I think...I think I became the one thing Alfred always feared I would be. But what keeps me up at night after the dreams and the tears is knowing that I'm more Batman than Bruce Wayne. And a part of me doesn't care.

Truthfully, I was thankful for the arrival of Nightwing and the bodies that began to appear in his wake. It gave me something to lose myself in, forget about the pain and horror and do what only I could. Nightwing intrigued me; he was smart enough to evade us and could clearly become a formidable opponent. Just another game. But the damage done to a nameless thug was something else, barbaric and cruel. I could only imagine the agony this man must have felt in his last minutes. Why would Nightwing do this? Mutilate, strangle and stab someone who would have been no threat to him. Nightwing's crusade could become deadly for my family in a heartbeat.

Red Hood touched down beside me in his usual grace of leather and guns. He nodded once at me and turned to look down at the body at my feet. The helmet unsettled me, I couldn't see his reaction and I knew by his stance that I had missed something big.

"How do you know this is Nightwing's doing?" He asked.

"This is Nightwing's M.O. The strangulation and the damage to the chest."

"Yeah, but the stab wounds is new. Not to mention he hasn't touched their faces before."

"He's learning, experimenting with his methods. We haven't seen everything yet."

"No, you haven't. Besides I didn't do this."

His voice shattered everything and time seemed to stop for a moment. I span around and watched the lithe, youthful figure dance across the rooftop with Tim and Damian in tow. Seeing him and understanding that I had been played felt like knife through my decaying heart.

How?

Why are you playing games with me, Dick?

Don't you remember?

But he seemed to need to keep up the pretence, so I let him and glared at him, trying to feed of the anger inside me that suddenly wasn't there. Tim shuffled his feet uneasily and Damian took a step closer to his oldest brother but Dick held his ground and glared back. They knew; my boys knew that Dick was back. And they never told me. Why?

"Nightwing." I growled and I hoped he recognised the relief and joy in the word. "What are you doing?"

"Someone's setting me up; I'm going to find out why. Was there anything by the body?"

_What have they done to you?_

"No."

Nightwing hummed and started to pat down on the pockets of the victim; Jason crouched down beside him and promptly ignored my snarl.

"What are you looking for?" He questioned.

"A message. There's always been one, one every body so far. Are you sure there wasn't anything? A phone? A pen? Something?"

"There was nothing here."

"There has to be!" He cried and rummaged through the jacket pocket. "He always leaves me one."

"Who?" Robin asked.

"None of your business." He snapped.

_You're in danger, aren't you? Something you can't get out of by yourself but you're too stubborn to ask for help. We're here Dickie. Ask us._

Nightwing hissed and flipped the body over harshly. The man flopped over and there was a sickening squelch of blood that made even me gag. Nightwing didn't seem to care, his hands moved desperately over the criminal's back.

"Nightwing, look here." Red Robin ordered and his voice trembled a little.

Obediently, Nightwing looked up and followed his brother's shaking finger. His body froze mid crouch and I wanted to reach out to steady him. There was a message for him, just as he predicted, written on a brick wall in crimson red.

**Checkmate, my Apprentice. **

"DAMN IT!" Nightwing roared and threw himself to his feet. In a few large strides he had stepped onto the ledge of the building and I knew we were losing him.

"Wait!" I called out.

"Don't move!" He hissed. "Stay there. Come after me and you will die. I promise."

"We can help you." Jason insisted.

Nightwing cackled and it sounded broken and twisted. "No you can't."

He let himself fall from the ledge and by the time I had reached the edge, he was gone. I turned back to my young boys.

"So, anything you want to tell me?"

...

"How long have you known that Nightwing is Dick?"

It had only taken me two minutes to crack and demand them to tell me everything they knew. There had been a mixture of awe, relief and fear on their faces when they realised I had caught them. Jason sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Two days ago." He confessed. "Timmy and I thought...I guess...as soon as we saw him we knew."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"...You have a habit of throwing the bad guys in Jail and you were convinced Dick-Nightwing- was one. He probably put half of them in there, he wouldn't last a day."

"And then there was the possibility that you wouldn't believe us." Tim spoke up from his place by the fire. "We weren't keeping it from you, we had to be sure. I'm sorry Bruce."

I ran my hand across my most delicate son's shoulders and smiled my acceptance. Tim's answering grin was blinding and he looked back into the swirling flames. Damian punched the pillow he clasped in his lap and watched Jason pace across the floor.

"Who do you suppose is after him?" Jason asked.

"No idea." Damian shrugged.

"You know, the real question is; how did he come back? Dick's been dead for at least two years. It isn't possible for the dead to return...GOD! This sounds like a bad movie." Tim ventured.

"Think he's a zombie?" Jason quipped

"Jason." I sighed. "But Tim's right. Maybe when we find out how we find out who."

"Where would we even begin to look? This doesn't happen! I'm not even convinced this is real."Jason spat. "I don't...fuck!"

Damian jumped and a familiar stare fell across Tim's face. Jason stalked across the floor and swept a chair over in his haste. The bang resounded throughout the room but Jason never looked at it. He pushed away from us and rushed out the door, his steps pounded on the staircase. Tim and Damian looked on in fear and tears glistened in their eyes. I opened my arms to them and they fell toward me, snuffling and gasping.

"I know boys, believe me, I know. But I'm going to fix this, okay?"

"Father? Is Dick still...good?"

I wanted to lie. To tell my eleven year old boy that Dick would be fine, he just needed to get his head on straight and then he'd come home. But I couldn't. Damian would never know how badly those words frightened me. Yet as I opened my mouth to sugar coat the truth I read the terror in their eyes and the words faded.

"Of course he is. You really think Dick would turn on us?"

"Okay."

"I'm going to talk to Jason; will you be all right down here?"

"We'll be fine. Just take care of Jason for us."

I nodded and stood up from my chair, just before I left the room I looked back in time to see Tim wrap his arm around Damian's shoulders.

_I wish you could see this, Dick._

...

Jason nearly got expelled once. He let the anger that burns so bright inside get the better of him and he did a lot of damage. Too himself and another boy. I didn't listen to him when he tried to explain. I came home to find him with his gun clasped between his teeth and a look in his eyes that haunted me. For a while I feared he would put one of his guns in his mouth again, only this time he wouldn't stop. I'm still afraid.

Because even though Tim started to crack a long time ago and Damian is volatile; it is Jason who is fragile and unpredictable. He's the one I can't keep up with, his mood swings and his aggression. The Joker did murder Dick that cold night; it took me a while to see he also destroyed Jason. Jason is the one I worry about.

He saw Dick's burnt body. He called out for him only for it to never be answered. He was there when our world fell to pieces. And he's not the same.

The floor outside Jason's bedroom vibrated with the volume of his music. I stood at his doorway and read the signs that forbid me from entering under pain of decapitation. But it was always the scrawled writing half way down the wood that caught my attention fully every time. The names written in Dick's squiggles on the paint in order of arrival to the mansion, under the heading 'Bat Bros'. This room had been Dick's first; he swapped because Jason liked the view.

"Is Master Jason all right?" Alfred asked.

I jumped, his arrival hadn't been noticed. "He's going through a tough time again."

"I see. I'll bring up some cookies for him and I dare say Damian and Tim can have some too."

"You're a life saver, Alfred."

"Yes, Master Bruce."

He creaked away and I suddenly realised I had no idea how to tell him about Dick's return. I ran my palm across my head in aggravation. This should all be wonderfully simple, it was our dream for Dick to breathe again and already it was causing heartache. I didn't knock on his door, he wouldn't hear me and I braced myself for his scream. Jason sat on the windowsill, looking out over the grounds with a stress ball in his hands. His face shimmered with tears that neither one of us would mention. He looked up when my shadow fell across him and let me turn his music down.

"What was that Jason?" Jason shrugged and threw the ball at the window and caught it expertly in his hand. "Don't give me that. What's wrong?"

"I can't get it to match up in my head. Dick's death and seeing him breathing make no sense. He shouldn't be alive."

I perched on his bed. "I know bud."

"And I'm glad he's back even though he won't let me talk to him anymore. But it makes everything we went through these last three years in vain. I mean what was the point? Three years of suffering only for Dick to perform the impossible."

"Perhaps it was meant to happen this way. We still don't know why Dick's been resurrected."

"Fate and destiny? That's bull and you know it. Dick was never meant to die the way he did. We weren't supposed to feel all this pain. IT'S NOT FAIR!"

He chucked the ball wildly and it narrowly missed my head. It hit the wall in the corner of the room and rolled out of sight. Jason's chest heaved with the force of his emotions. I stood up from the bed and dragged him into the circle of my arms and ignored his struggles. Jason collapsed against my chest and pushed his nose into my collarbone.

"What if we get him back only to lose him? You saw him; someone's trying to hurt him and I think he's less stable than I am."

"Ssh. We won't lose him; we just need to be there for him. We don't know what happened to him."

"How did he do this? Play the older brother and not break down. I want my big brother back." I dragged my hands across his shoulders and down his spine. "I can't do this anymore, Bruce. I'm tired."

The broken father in me wept at the distress and fatigue in his voice and I clutched him closer to me. His weight was a comfort in my arms and I slowly eased myself back against the headboard of the bed. Jason didn't complain, only curled into me and took a shaky breath. Jason was never meant to be the oldest brother; he relied too heavily on Dick. He didn't know how to be the pack leader.

"You're doing a fantastic job Jase. And I know you're tired but you can't quit on us, I can't...you have to stay strong for me son. Please."

Jason yawned and latched his fingers onto my jumper. "...'Kay Dad."

I held him tight to me and let the tears run down my cheeks.

"It's going to be okay baby. You'll see."

...

Six hours. That's how long it took me to find Nightwing on Gotham's rooftops. It took me another hour to finally corner him against a wall. My Dick had been smiles and giggles and love. This man before me was sharp edges and shadows.

"Enough Dick. We need to talk."

A smirk flickered onto his lips and he tightened his defensive stance. "Took you long enough, old man."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Fun."

"What?"

"Seeing you riled up and chase a ghost across the city. You must be desperate."

"I am." The sudden honesty unsettled him and his head tilted in curiosity. "We're all desperate. Your brothers and I. Help us to help you."

"NO!"

I wasn't prepared for him to shoot forward faster than I could blink and ram his shoulder into my chest. The force knocked us both to the concrete roof, Nightwing landed on my chest and recovered first. He straddled my waist and pulled his arm back. I waited for the blow; I could never hurt him. He wasn't a villainous mastermind. He was my little boy. My miracle.

"Dickie." I breathed. "Please."

He listened to me and stared at me and his fist lowered. Indecision flickered across his face and a tremor shot through his body. I reached up and tangled my fingers in his hair and he leant into the touch.

"I...I..."

"It's time to come home now, Dick."

"But you'll be in danger...it's not safe. I shouldn't go back."

He tried to run from me again and I knew if I let him go I would never find him again. I wrapped both arms around him and pinned him to my chest. The tension in his spine held out for a moment before he melted against me.

"Yes you should. We need you."

"When the time comes, you'll hate me and you won't understand."

"I could never hate you and I will always try to understand you. Please baby, say yes and come home. I can keep you safe. Whatever's after you won't be able to touch you again."

When he spoke it was so quiet I almost missed it, one tiny word whispered against my neck.

"...yes..."

...


	4. The first step

Listen to the black Raven sing

Dick Grayson.

The first step.

When I was young and innocent, I used to wonder about my death. Would it be meaningful or barely disturb the world? Or perhaps I'd fall like my parents did; I almost expected to go that way. It wouldn't have been surprising, I was Robin after all. Maybe they would cry for me.

I never once thought the Joker would get to me with a crowbar and a bomb. I had always known the Joker was malicious and twisted but the glee in his eyes as my bones broke and my organs ruptured, frightened me the most. And then he had the nerve to offer me my life only to trick me one last time. There was a moment during the explosion that I could still feel my body and the pain. Then the world went red and black.

I don't know if Batman came for me. I hope he tried to save me.

But thank God it wasn't Jason the Joker got.

I came back. Someone brought me screaming and crying across the void and spat me back out into the world. He called me Apprentice. I was supposed to call him Master. But I couldn't do it. He wanted an assassin, a murderer but I wouldn't turn my back on Batman's teachings even if he wasn't looking for me. So he tore me apart, turned me inside out and stitched me back together every time I disobeyed. He trained me in his murderous arts and I used them on him. I would have ripped him into tiny, bloody pieces if he hadn't overpowered me. He caught me and almost mutilated me but then he seemed to see me. See that I didn't care about the pain or the blood. I just wanted to go home, to be loved.

So I made a deal with him. And now I've dragged my family into my war. I should leave. But I can't. I need them.

His name was Slade.

...

Batman reached out for me and I flinched, expecting the pain that had followed for the last year. But his hand danced down my spine and tangled in my hair. I wanted to give in and hide in his arms but it wasn't safe here.

"We need to go now." I urged.

I felt Batman nod and he very slowly let go of his grip on me and let me stand up. He leaped to his feet and his hand fluttered toward me again. I wrapped my arms around my waist in comfort and waited for his instructions. I was so confused and so tired.

"C'mon. The car's just down the street." Batman rumbled.

He walked toward the roof edge and looked back to wait for me. He had never waited for me before and a strange warmth pooled in my chest. It took a lot of persuasion for me to move my feet toward him. Batman laced his arm around my waist and shot his grapple out; I felt the jolt when it bit into a building. I should have protested and fought against Batman but his grip got more possessive and it had been so long since someone was gentle with me. I reached up and linked my arms around his neck and pushed my face into his shoulder.

"It's all right." He soothed. "We'll be home soon."

_I'm so sorry Bruce. You don't know what I've done. You don't know what I'm going to do._

Batman touched down on the ground and it took everything in me to let go of his suit. I followed in his shadow yet he was never more than a step ahead of me. He kept looking back over his shoulder at me and I wanted to see his eyes. To know what he was thinking.

"Here, Nightwing."

He guided me toward the passenger side and didn't move away until I had sat down and curled up against the seats. Three years and the Bat Mobile hadn't changed. It still smelt the same of leather and Gotham's nights. The memories were undisturbed and precious, some of the ones that had kept me going.

"Just relax." Batman cooed.

I nodded and rolled my eyes toward the window. The city buildings blurred by us and Batman broke every traffic code to get back to the Mansion.

...

I had never expected to see the Mansion again, had believed I'd only ever visit it in my dreams and the fear nearly took my breath away. All the explanations and the anger that was sure to come with my arrival. The lies I would have to weave to keep them safe. Batman eased the car into the cave and the secret door closed with a dull hiss. I stared down at my lap and tried to push away the lingering terror. A hand touched my shoulder gently and when I looked up, I was looking into Bruce's face. His eyes were wet but I had never seen that much happiness in them. There was even a smile playing on the corners of his lips.

"Get out of the car, son. You're home now."

I complied and nearly tripped over my own feet in my haste. Bruce caught me and held me tight.

"Master Bruce?" Alfred called from the entrance. "I thought I heard you come in. Oh, do we have a guest? I'll make a snack."

"Alfred, wait! Come here." Bruce beckoned.

I shook my head against his chest but a palm on my nape calmed my protests. Alfred eased his way toward us, picking his way carefully around the displays and paused at our side. I brought my hand up to cover my face and took a shaky breath.

"Whatever is it, sir?"

Bruce pulled me back and turned me around until I was facing the aging butler but my shoes were easier to look at.

"Look, Alfred. Can't you see him?"

"Not when he's finding his shoes so interesting. But I..." Weathered fingers snaked underneath my chin and gently tilted my face up. Alfred gasped, even through my mask he recognised me. "Oh my."

"Hey Alf." I greeted softly.

"Master Dick?" He breathed.

I nodded and attempted to remember how to smile for him. Tears leaked from his eyes and I reached out a hand to dry them.

"Don't cry. You'll make me start."

I walked into Alfred's embrace and he didn't feel as frail as I had expected him too. He still felt strong like he always had. Three years hadn't taken that from him. His lips touched the crown of my head and lingered a kiss against my hair.

"Thank you. Thank you." He chanted.

I felt suddenly so awful. They had missed me and mourned for me and I could have come back. I could have fought harder to get away. Alfred smelt of tea and baking and love. Everything I had yearned for during my captivity. He stepped back and his eyes still shimmered with tears but he smiled.

"I couldn't have asked for anything better. You have been missed, young sir. Don't do it again."

"I'll try not to but I'm Nightwing now."

"Yes, I had noticed that. Get yourself clean up and I'll have a plate of cookies waiting for you."

"Thank you, Alfie."

He patted my cheek and swiped his knuckles underneath his eyes and hurried away. I reached up to take my mask of but Bruce's fingers caught mine.

"Let me?"

"Okay."

I dropped my hands back to my sides and stared up into his face. Bruce's gentle fingers peeled the fabric away from my skin and I remembered this ritual from my time as Robin. Those nights where Bruce had been afraid for me, he had tenderly discarded the superhero to find the boy. He rubbed the remains of the glue clinging to my cheek away with his thumb.

"There you are." He swept his hand through my fringe. "My boy."

I danced my fingertips across the exposed skin and frowned. Underneath my touch, my face felt different and unprotected. I grabbed the black mask Bruce had set down beside me and clutched it tight to me.

"Dick?"

"I haven't really taken it off. I wasn't safe before."

"Well you are now. Give Nightwing a chance to rest for a little while. I want time with my son right now anyway, not him."

"That's probably a good idea. Nightwing's gonna crash any time soon and I'm not too far behind him."

Bruce chuckled. "I'm not surprised. Let's get you to bed; I think I have some clothes that might fit you. We'll go shopping in the morning."

"Really?"

"Yup. You realise your brothers will want to come as well."

"Cool. Day trip."

I followed Bruce away from the depths of the dark cave and out into the study. I kept expecting something to have changed in my absence but nothing had. The curtains that Jason had always hated hadn't even been replaced. I wandered through the mansion, knowing that I would have tomorrow to remember everything again. There was still time.

"Bruce, is my room still mine?"

"Of course. Though don't be surprised if there's someone sleeping in there. Your brothers seem to have a rota, there's usually one of them in there."

"They missed me that much?"

Bruce paused on the landing and turned around to face me. I looked up at him, aware I had said something wrong but not knowing what.

"We have all missed you, Dickie. You don't know how much. Please don't doubt that."

"I won't. I'm sorry."

"It's all right. Here, these should fit you."

In his hands Bruce held blue pyjama bottoms and a worn grey shirt. I reached for the shirt; on the nights I had missed my parents and been haunted by their deaths I had stolen this shirt from Bruce's drawers.

"Go and change Dick, I'll be there in a moment."

I obeyed him wordlessly and padded down the corridor. No one stirred behind the doors I passed and although I wanted to knock and wake everyone up I couldn't.

My old bedroom door opened soundlessly and I stepped into the past. The walls were still packed with my movies, books and old toys. My laptop sat silent on the desk underneath a mound of papers and homework. I bit my lip and felt like an intruder, I wasn't the boy this room belonged too. With a sigh, I stripped of Nightwing's costume and left it draped over a nearby chair and tugged on the borrowed clothes. I clambered into bed and pulled the blankets up over my head and didn't react when Bruce came and sat on the edge of the bed and sang a lullaby I didn't know.

...

A small pressure on the bed beside me woke me up what felt like moments later. I peered dimly through the darkness until I had to reach out and snap the light on. Damian froze and his eyes widened when he realised he was caught.

"Damian? What are you doing? It's...four in the morning." I whispered.

"I...I know. Can I...you know?"

I stared at him in confusion and felt like a failure. Was this something I used to know before? Something that had been hammered out of me? Damian solved the problem for me and moved my arm away so he could curl up against my side. I cradled his back with my arm and his small fingers latched onto my shirt.

"You're back?" He whispered. "For good?"

"As long as I can be."

"Not good enough. Stay."

I pulled the precious boy onto my chest and let him nuzzle into my neck. He yawned widely against the skin and sighed in contentment.

"I'll try."

"Hmm."

He cuddled deeper into me and his breaths evened out in sleep. I stared up at the ceiling and felt the familiar sting of tears behind my eyes.

"I'm so sorry."

...

Sunlight streamed in through the open curtains and awoke me late in the morning. I moaned and rolled over, burying my head underneath my arm. There was a shuffle on the bed and I looked up directly into Damian's eyes.

"Morning." I greeted.

Damian tutted and didn't look away.

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

He didn't answer and unease tickled down my back. How different was this Damian to mine? After all, three years was a long time and perhaps he didn't really remember me anymore. Before I could move toward him, Damian leapt of the bed and stalked out the door. Bruce caught the door before it closed and poked his head in.

"There's a change of clothes in the bathroom. Alfred was one step ahead this morning."

"Good. Is Damian okay?"

"We'll talk later, Dick. Change now."

He followed his son and I heard him stamp down the stairs. I crept down the corridor, my eyes fixed on the floor and my hands firmly by my side. Why did it feel so wrong? I was home again and it felt like I didn't belong.

How had Slade ripped this away from me?

I locked the bathroom door behind me and stood in front of the full length mirror. The face looking back at me I almost didn't recognise; I kept forgetting I was older now and pushing twenty. Those two years of lying in a grave meant nothing to me and it was only my...curse that allowed me to age. But rebirth hadn't stripped my body of the scars The Joker left behind. I slipped out of my shirt and dropped it to the floor and forced myself to meet my reflection. The crowbar had left huge pink scars across my chest, puckered and disgusting. I fingered the longest, deepest one that ran from my left nipple to my right hipbone. The marks would never fade; I would always be the Joker's best artwork. His living legacy. But it was the smaller scars across my ribs that sent shudders down my spine and made my heart trip a beat.

**Apprentice.**

The agony I felt as Slade carved those words into my skin never truly faded. I had called for Bruce, for Jason, for anyone to save me only they never came. And a rather loud part of me hated them for that. I stepped under the shower head and pushed the memories away.

...

I crept uneasily down the large staircase and hovered by the lounge doorway. My entire family had gathered inside in a group tighter than I knew. Jason slouched on the armchair, one leg hanging of the edge with a magazine clasped between his hands. Tim and Damian seemed to be in the middle of a card game, one I could tell would end with a tantrum. Bruce stood silently at the window, his eyes fixed on something in the garden. None of them had noticed me.

"Uh..hi." I croaked.

The change in the room was instant, four pairs of eyes swivelled up to me and pinned me to the spot. There was a mixture of surprise, relief and anger on their faces; Jason's hand tightened on the flimsy magazine page. I finally unstuck my feet and took a small step back. I had made a mistake, agreeing to Bruce's offer and they didn't want me. What if they knew? They were all so bright and if they really looked they could put the pieces together. I took another large step back and collided with a body behind me. Arms locked around my biceps and the familiar smell of tea and bread washed over me.

"Going somewhere, Master Dick?" Alfred inquired pleasantly but I heard the warning behind it. The plead.

Stay please.

"I...I...yes?"

"But you promised you wouldn't!" Damian shrieked. "You promised you wouldn't leave!"

"I know I did."

"Don't break your promises on the first day back, sir." Alfred advised and his grip fell from my arms.

I felt him step back and knew I could escape; Alfred had given me the chance and trusted me not too. The room was silent and waiting for me to act.

"I shouldn't stay." I would repeat myself over and over again until they understood how dangerous I was. "It's not safe near me."

"Ppft! We're Heroes, nothing can hurt us." Jason dismissed casually.

But wasn't I proof that we could die? That we weren't as invulnerable as we thought we were. There was a creak of denim and Tim stood up, his face carefully blank. He slipped his hand into mine the second he was near enough to and smiled at me. Tim hadn't changed, sure I could see muscles starting to form underneath his shirt and his hair was shorter but it was still him. My little brother.

"You look so different but there's no denying it's you. What happened to you?"

I fidgeted and shook my head. "I can't tell you yet. I'm sorry."

"All right, we have time I suppose. I missed you." He confessed. "We'll stop whoever's after you, Dickie. Just stick by your promise; don't leave us."

I snatched him to me and pressed my face into his shoulder, small wiry arms encircled my back.

"Thank you."

Tim laughed and stepped back a small step but Jason marched forward and shoved him out of the way.

"Move Shorty! My turn." He smirked.

I rolled my eyes and looked back at Jason and my stomach twisted slightly. Jason's eyes were dark with the memories, villains and monsters I never wanted him to know. It was the Legacy of Robin; the nightmares the brightly coloured bird brought. Whose was the blood on Red Hood's hands? A fighter like him must have shed a lot, caused a lot to bleed. I had seen Red Hood in action, heard the stories about him.

Why Jason?

Why become no better than the monster that killed me?

But then I looked again, through the shadows and the anger and I found a hurting seventeen year old boy. My best friend.

"Dick?" He questioned.

"Its okay, Jaybird. I'll make it right."

"I've got no idea what you're talking about."

I swept his hair away from his eyes and found a new scar on the side of his head.

"You will."

I will keep you safe. I'll keep my promises to you all...somehow.


	5. The Master's return

A/N: Thank you for all the continued support. I feel like I should put a warning on this chapter but I'm not entirely sure if it's worth it. So just beware.

...

Listen to the Black Raven sing.

The Master's return.

Dick Grayson.

_Pain. Sharp. Blinding. Raw. _

_I was being eaten alive from the inside out; something was feasting on me, gorging itself. It was in my veins tearing them apart and peeling back my skin. There were poisonous fingers latched into my brain and they were ripping my mind to pieces. _

_Why weren't they here?_

_Fire. A scorching caress across my already blistered chest and I screamed. Finally I had wrestled heavy eyes opened but there was only blinding light above me. A spotlight. I had an audience to my agony. _

_Help me. Please. It hurts! MAKE IT STOP!_

"_...Bruce...help..."_

_A face. Not his face. A gold one eyed mask. A devil. Monster. NO! I wanted to run from him, fight him but my body was dying. Or was it trying to live? It wouldn't obey me and the nightmare leant closer to me._

"_He's not coming, my Apprentice. They're happy now." _

"_..n-no...loves me..."_

_The burn licked up my arm and flashed across my ribs. Slade crouched down beside me and I looked away in the only act of defiance I could make. Gloved fingers rubbed against my cheek and with a shuddering heart I realised he was catching my falling tears._

"_Oh my poor misguided boy; they don't love you. They left you to die alone, they didn't save you. But I did. I rescued you."_

"_...G-Go 'way...Bruce..."_

_I hadn't known a mask could have expressions until that day but then again, I hadn't known true pain until then either. Slade stood up and snatched all the oxygen with him._

"_I will make you bow to me."_

"_Never."_

_I spat a pathetic amount of saliva and blood at him that never had a hope of hitting him but it got my disgust across. Slade stared at the glob on the floor and his eye narrowed. Then the fire became an inferno that boiled me and charred my skin. I couldn't stop screaming; Slade watched me and Bruce never came._

I was still burning when I woke up screaming. My skin still felt like it was peeling away from the bones and my chest was slick with the ghost of my blood. The room was stifling hot and I couldn't breathe, couldn't think passed my panic. Even though I had tried to put distance between us, Slade still owned me and he was in my mind. Slade would find me. He always did. I threw of the blankets that had become damp with sweat and bolted to the window. The glass beneath my fevered skin was shockingly refreshing and it started to calm my racing heart.

"Dick? Are you okay?"

Tim's tired voice filtered through the fear and I glanced at him over my shoulder. His hair was wild and unusually messy and his baggy pyjama bottoms hung of his hips slightly. But his dark eyes were alert and fixed on mine.

I sagged a little against the window and brought my palm up to my eyes. "Yeah, I'm all right Timmy."

"Are you sure? That scream was loud, did you have a nightmare?"

How could I tell my fifteen year old brother that I didn't have nightmares anymore? I replayed memories every night instead? The terror of the warehouse, the emptiness of death and the hell of Slade's tutelage. All stuck on an endless loop and played when I couldn't stop them.

"I'm sorry, Tim. I didn't mean to wake you, go back to sleep kiddo."

"No." Surprised I looked up at him, he blushed but didn't back down. "I can't leave you like this Dickie."

"Like what?"

"You're scared."

"Am not."

He stepped up to me and took my unresisting hand in his; I couldn't look away from the concern in his eyes.

"You're shaking, bro and your pulse is too fast."

I stared down at my hands and tried to steady the tremors but I really had no control over them. Fear was flickering over Tim's face and I tried to reign in my wavering emotions. I had to be the older brother and protect Tim; he didn't need to see me fall apart. I closed my eyes and shoved everything down into a box inside and slammed the lock shut. When I opened my eyes, the turmoil inside had faded to its usual dull roar and I felt sturdier.

"There. All better now." I teased and detached myself. "Go back to bed, Tim. You have school in the morning."

"But I-."

"I mean it. I'm okay, really."

To prove my point I pushed him toward my door gently and he let me with a small amount of fuss. He looked back at me and wrapped his arms tightly around me; directly above that damned scar across my ribs. I wanted to unpeel his arms from me so he couldn't be tainted by Slade but he let go before I could and disappeared down the dim hallway. I wanted until I couldn't hear him moving anymore and dug the Nightwing costume out from its hiding place underneath the floorboards.

I dove out the window and left pathetic, needy, broken Dick Grayson behind. If only for a few hours.

When I was Nightwing I was free. Nightwing may have been born from death and was once one of Slade's creations but he had become mine. He was an abomination, a weapon but he couldn't be hurt. I was invincible when I flew as him. I had fallen as Robin the Boy Wonder, fallen bloody and alone. Nightwing had never betrayed me. He never would.

He was too damaged...like me.

I shot a grappling hook out and let it bite into the wall of an unidentified building. The wind whipped through my hair and whispered in my ear as I leaped of the building and flew as I had always been born to do. A small smile worked onto my lips and I almost stopped my swing. I thought Slade had stolen that smile away from me, he had my laugh jarred and on show. My innocence and my youth nailed to his wall. And he wore my soul on his shoulder like a cape. I gathered my legs underneath me and landed lightly on the nearest roof to me. I felt heavy, weighed down by so much and unable to stay afloat. I couldn't save myself and Bruce couldn't save me either. He would turn away from me if he knew what Slade had done to me. If he knew what I had done to survive.

"You look a little lost, kitten."

"Hello Catwoman."

The stunning feline prowled toward me and leant her slender body against the wall beside me. She followed my eye line as I stared out across Gotham's rooftops in silence.

"Does daddy know you're out past bedtime?" She questioned.

"No."

"Oh? You're a little old to run away from home."

"Never too old to run."

Catwoman leant forward and looped her arm through mine. I stubbornly looked away and refused to even acknowledge her.

"Is that why you're here right now? Running away again?"

"They don't understand. They can't help me."

"Of course they can't. I bet you haven't told them anything. Do they even know his name?"

I shook my head. "No. Bruce is a detective; he's probably known about Slade for years, knows what he could do...did do."

Catwoman untangled her arm from mine and wrapped it around my shoulder instead. I leant into her side and felt her clawed fingers rake through my hair.

"Kitten, he's not going to care that it was Slade. He's going to care because he's your father and he loves you."

"You don't even know what he did."

"No but I've seen you when you've had a nightmare. I heard what you said."

Catwoman had saved me on those first few weeks back in Gotham. She had recognised me and taken me into her house; given me a bed and food until my wounds had healed enough to me to leave. My nightmares had been the worst then; I didn't sleep through the night and woke up screaming 'STOP!' and calling for Bruce.

"He can't know. I'm not supposed to be weak. Bruce always wanted me to be strong. I have to be."

The woman beside me hissed angrily and tightened her grip on me. "Sometimes I want to slap that man for teaching you that. Listen to me Dick, you are strong. You're the strongest man I know. Because you're a survivor. The world killed you and you still came back. But you have to let Bruce in. He can protect you."

"He can't. Slade will only kill him. I can't live with that."

I slipped out from underneath her arm and threw myself of the edge again. She cried out for me but couldn't have caught me.

"Apprentice."

His voice on the wind made me stop in my tracks and drop down to the wet pavement. The air around me was ice cold and it stole away my breath. I thought I would have more time. The game wasn't over yet.

"Slade. Show yourself."

The shadows laughed at me and curled pointed hands out to grab at me. I jumped away with a small yelp and knocked over a bin that clattered nosily to the ground.

"So clumsy. Where's your usual grace?"

I span around and ended up facing a wall instead of my tormentor. The laughter turned to cackles and suddenly all I could remember were operating tables and surgical instruments. My blood on the floor and internal organs on show.

"Leave me alone!"

"But I've missed you. I've come to take you home."

"I am home."

The laughter turned neutering and the sudden change unsettled me and I ended up huddled against the wall in an attempt to fend off any pain. A shadow fell across me, one I recognised and it wasn't here to help me. Fingers snaked underneath my chin and bit into my skin as they forced my face up. That gold and black mask gleamed in the streetlight and the single eye turned malicious. His hand shot out and wrapped around my neck, squeezing until I was chocking and spluttering.

"Let me go."

"You are mine Richard Grayson. You do not belong to Bruce or to yourself. I own you."

He kept his hold on my neck until I could barely breathe and dark spots were dancing in front of my vision. He let me go so suddenly I couldn't get my feet to support me and I crashed heavily to the ground. One solid kick to the gut had me retching onto the pavement and Slade clicked his tongue in disappointment.

"They have made you weak. I have a lot of work to do with you."

"I'm not your pet Slade."

"You might as well be. Remember, without me you wouldn't even be alive."

"Fuck you."

His booted foot crashed down on my arm. I thought I felt my bones creak and blood start to rush to the surface but the pain never came. I looked up at Slade with a smirk and kicked up at his stomach. He stumbled back a few steps, caught unaware by my sudden attack. I grabbed hold of Slade's shoulders and forced his head into the brick wall. He groaned and I felt a surge of victory, because out of the two of us he was the only one who could still feel pain. We danced our deadly dance, both knowing the steps and each other's best moves. Slade threw a punch at my face and with a step to the side I dodged it and lashed out with my foot. Slade was ready and caught my knee and with a solid twist made my leg buckle underneath me. It was a strange thing; to know I was injured but not feel it.

"Hmm, I forgot about that. Never mind; there are other ways to convince you. Until next time."

"Come back Slade! FIGHT ME! SLADE!"

There was only the promise of more heart ache and more innocent lives scarified.

...

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?"

Jason's angry voice greeted me the moment I stepped foot inside the manor. He pounced on me from the armchair, his face twisted in anger. Damian hovered at his side, eyes dark with his disapproval. Tim looked livid with me and glared at me from the doorway.

"Out." I croaked.

"Are you okay? Your voice sounds funny." Damian commented.

I rubbed at my throat and pulled my collar up higher but the Nightwing costume wasn't made to hide injuries like that.

"And you're walking weird." Jason exclaimed.

"Look at his arm! Damn it Dick, you've been in a fight. I'm telling Bruce." Tim hissed.

"Don't you dare." I growled and made a grab for him only to have my leg collapse under my weight. I landed with an 'oof' and none of my brother's made to help me. "You don't need to call Bruce."

"Too late. I'm here."

I groaned from my position on the floor and crawled over to the wall and managed to drag myself upright.

"I'm fine."

"Then why were you on the floor a moment ago?"

"Got tired." I snapped.

"You're hurt. Let us help you." Jason begged.

"NO! I don't need any help."

Jason recoiled like I had slapped him and stepped out of my way. There was a large part of me that couldn't believe I had upset my younger brother like that but an equal part was screaming words like 'vulnerable' and 'Slade.' I had to move away before I could see sense.

"I...I have to go upstairs! NOW!" I stammered.

"In a moment, Dick. Let me have a look at your knee."

"No. NOW! Get out of my way."

The walls were closing in on me and I was weak, injured and couldn't defend myself. They wouldn't move and I was having difficulty distinguishing family from enemies. It was dangerous territory, I was dangerous.

"Calm down, son." Bruce soothed. "We're just concerned for you."

"You don't understand." I garbled.

"Help us to understand. Please, you're scaring your brothers."

"I'm sorry."

"Damian, Tim lets go and train. Dick will join us later." Jason suddenly took control of the situation and I wasn't sure if I liked it. "Bruce will look after Dick."

"Jay." I called out to him through my world of confusion. He looked back at me with a pale face but warm eyes. "Thank you. I'll be there later."

"You'd better be Goldie."

The three of them trooped out of the door and I felt like the worst brother in the world. How many more times could I fail them? I turned to Bruce when he stepped closer to me and to my surprise the fear and the clang of knives faded. Bruce barely managed to catch me as my leg failed me again.

"Easy Champ, I've got you. It's OK."

Bruce dragged my arm over his shoulders and wrapped one arm around my waist. My knee felt strange, like there was something loose in it somewhere. But it never once hurt. I didn't know I would miss pain until I couldn't feel it anymore. Bruce helped me limp toward my bedroom.

"I'm sorry dad."

"Ssh, we'll talk about this after I get you cleaned up. Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"My neck probably and maybe my arm."

"You don't know?"

"Can't feel it."

"Oh."

By now Bruce was more or less carrying my weight without complaining; my knee shook underneath me to badly. He kicked the door open harsh enough to make it slam against the wall but sat me down on the bed with a gentleness I forgot he possessed.

"I'm going to get some bandages, you change into something comfortable. Then don't move."

"OK."

He rushed out like he had the devil snapping at him and I rolled over to pull my brand new pyjamas out from underneath my pillow. Then I had second thoughts and reached for the faded T-Shirt and jeans instead. I had barely wrestled them on when Bruce returned. He took Nightwing from me and draped the costume over the back of my chair.

"Right then, we'll start with the top."

His fingers ghosted across my bruised throat and I waited for the pain that would never come. Bruce's eyes tightened and he bit down on his lip.

"Any breathing problems?"

"No. I feel fine."

He nodded and moved down to my arm and sucked in a breath. I stared dumbly down at it; surprised to see a purple boot print on the skin. Bruce palpated the joint and rubbed his hand over it.

"Does it hurt?"

"It's fine."

"I'm starting to hate that word, Dickie. It might not hurt now but it will later. For the time being I'll wrap it."

He handled my arm so tenderly that it nearly brought tears to my eyes. For a year Slade had tried to be a father and had whispered every day that Bruce was glad I had died but seeing the love in Bruce's eyes I knew he wasn't. I had been missed, been grieved for. For them, I had to fight Slade. I had to win my freedom.

Even if that freedom was death.

"Now for that leg." He rolled up the bottom of my tattered jeans. "Jesus Dick!"

My knee had swollen to twice its normal size and had turned a sickly blue. I should have been in agony, unable to move it and for the first time in a long time, I wished for the pain. Just to prove I was alive. Bruce's hands were warm against the damaged skin and he wrapped a pristine bandage tight around the limb.

"Try and stay off it for a while."

"It'll be all right. It really doesn't hurt."

Bruce sighed and sat down next to me on the bed. I burrowed into his side but found myself curled on his lap a heart beat later. I nuzzled my face into his chest and clutched to his shirt. My dad loved me. Slade was wrong.

"Talk to me, Dick. What's going on with you, baby?"

"I...I...He's found me, dad. I'm sorry. He came for me tonight."

"Who?"

"My Master. He was going to take me away but I fought him."

"Who is he Dick?"

"...Slade..."

...


	6. Revelations

A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews/alerts/favourites, they mean the world to me. Just a quick warning about language from Dick and Jason.

Enjoy!

...

Listen to the Black Raven sing.

Revelations.

Bruce.

Slade.

That vile monster had been the one to destroy my bright boy. How badly had he suffered at Slade's hands? I dragged him closer to me, tucking his head underneath my chin and rubbing repetitive circles on his back.

"What are you talking about, Dick? Take a deep breath." I cooed.

Dick gasped a mouthful and nearly choked on the sob that ripped from him. I tightened my grip on him, trying to shelter him from everything.

"...I...he...he wants me b-back, Bruce! I can't go back!"

"Hey, ssh. You're not going anywhere."

He coughed around another whimper and pressed his face harder against my shoulder, just like he had done all those years ago when the nightmares got too much. I shuffled back on his neatly made bed and dragged him with me, allowing the headboard to support us. He sniffled but there was still a rigidness in his spine, he was still tense to run from me.

"I should. He's going to come after you to get to me. I can't lose you like that!"

"Wild horses couldn't drag me away from you." I promised and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Just tell me what happened."

"...I'm afraid too." He took a shaky breath and his voice shook. "You're going to hate me."

"Never. Please; I've never seen you this worked up over anything. What did he do to you?"

Dick laughed hollowly and a flicker of fear shot around my body. My son should never sound like that, so broken down and tired. I clutched him tight enough to make him squirm in my arms.

"What didn't he do to me? Oh God Bruce...I'm sorry! I am so fucking sorry."

Suddenly he wriggled away from me, calling on his childhood of acrobatic magic and stalking to the window with his arms crossed defensively across his waist. There was a predatory grace in Dick that had never been there before. A gleam in those expressive eyes that physically hurt me to look at. But now his eyes were wild, wet and cornered and he reminded me so much of a caged animal. I sat up slowly, wanting to go to him, hold him but knowing one wrong move would send him running.

"Talk to me, son." I nearly begged. "We can work this out."

His hands flew up to grip his hair, tugging on the roots hard enough to make me wince. His face crumpled in on itself and he looked so tormented.

"We can't! You can't fix what I've done this time. This is wrong! I'm wrong. I should have just stayed dead!"

"NO!" I surged forward and caught his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me and see the devastation in my eyes. "Don't you _ever_ say that, Dick. I don't care how you're back, I'm so thankful that you are. Whatever you think you've done can be fixed and I will. Oh, my beautiful boy, I love you so much."

He stiffened and sapphire eyes overflowed with tears and I gently thumbed them away. But there was still a distance in his eyes; he was still dancing around the truth. And it still felt like he was slipping through my fingers.

"I love you too and I'm sorry."

"Why? What could you have possibly done?"

"...Nightwing...he's a...murderer. I'm a murderer."

All those bodies in his first few days home. The twisted mutilated bodies that had been so frightened of Nightwing. Perhaps Nightwing was and there was blood on his hands. By my Dick could never be. He was too pure, too good to ever be one.

"I can't believe that. Tell me what happened."

"Slade rescued me, resurrected me, whatever. I don't know how he did it. About a year ago I woke up in his torture shop." A shudder swept through him and I folded him back into my embrace. "He told me to call him Master. I was his Nightwing. His apprentice. His."

"You are not his." I growled. "And you don't have to call anyone Master."

"...He hurt me when I didn't."

Anger thundered through me, a parent's rage that nearly blinded me. How dare that monster hurt him, make him cry! ...I hadn't been there for him. I hadn't known to look for him and Slade had used that. I had been caught in the past, sobbing to a son that I had thought was buried beneath the earth.

"He won't ever hurt you again, Dickie. I promise; you'll be safe with me."

"You can't promise me that."

He slipped from my grasp and avoided my fingers as I reached out to him. He didn't smile at me. He used to always be smiling, wide and warm but now there wasn't even the ghost of one. I missed them. I missed him even though he was standing in front of me.

"Yes, I can. I promise you Dick, Slade will never touch you."

"Thanks Dad. I'm...going to join my brothers training. See you later."

He walked away, shoulders stiff and his head held high. He was still so proud. But pride and anguish could be a deadly mixture. It was only after he left the room I realised that there was no sign of a limp. Even Dick's acting skills should not have been able to mask the pain that knee should be causing.

What had Slade done to him? How had Slade brought him back?

Dick was so distant and mistrusting now, flinching at every little noise and lurking in the shadows. For the first time, I didn't have the answers and everywhere I looked there were only questions. I hung my head and pressed my palms against my eyes. Alfred padded into the room and sat down beside me.

"Sir?"

"I couldn't save him, Alfred. I couldn't stop the Joker from getting to him the first time and I couldn't stop Slade from getting his claws into him this time. What kind of a father am I?"

"The best, sir. You can't change the past. I have seen how you are with those boys. What happened to Master Dick was not your fault."

"It feels like it. All those things Slade must have done to him and I wasn't there. Nineteen. He's nineteen years old and he's been dead for two years and a prisoner for one already. I'm going to lose him."

Alfred's weathered hand fell on my shoulder and slowly massaged the aching joint. Alfred had never said but it had been painfully obvious that he had missed Dick. He carried the grief inside him and didn't let us see it.

"You're not going to lose that boy. We can be there for him; be strong when he can't be and help him to keep going. Your oldest son is many wonderful things, remind him of them and that he will never be alone again."

"Thank you, Alfred."

The old man smiled and nodded once before creaking out of the room. I sat in the room surrounded by the boy my son had been and wondered if I could find him in that young man again.

...

"You need to tuck your legs in a little bit more as you're turning, Jay." Dick coached softly. "Or you might break your leg when you land."

Jason nodded and threw himself into a forward flip and I saw him think through Dick's instructions and land perfectly. It was a tug on my heart when Jason straightened and turned to Dick for praise. Dick's eyes lit up and he nodded, awarding Jason with a playful wink.

"That's right. Well done, Jay."

"Pfft. I could have done it myself." Jason dismissed coolly and leant back against the wall beside Dick.

"Never said you couldn't Jay-bird."

Jason grinned and he suddenly looked his seventeen years, glowing in his older brother's love. Loosing Dick so suddenly had been heart wrenching and watching Jason start to tumble had nearly shattered me. But Dick was back and maybe we could all heal each other.

"Your turn Goldie." Jason commanded. "Show us what you've got. Spar with me."

"Uh...I'm not sure that's a good idea Jason. I might...hurt you..."

It was a possibility; Dick had become an unknown variable. I didn't know his strength but I trusted him to know when it was too much. Tim and Damien stopped their play fight and hurried to my side.

"Go ahead Dick." I smiled.

He looked back at me hesitantly. "But...I..."

"We'll stop you if it looks like you're going too far, okay?"

"Ooh! Jason could have a safe word." Tim chirped.

Jason frowned. "What's wrong with 'stop'?"

"To boring. Yell...lollipop."

Damien scoffed but I could see the amusement in his eyes, Jason puffed out his chest and muttered something about 'destroying my masculinity.' But it was Dick's reaction I really looked for. Again there was no smile but something shifted in his mind and his stance softened. Nightwing had been awoken in the prospect of a fight but Dick Grayson had pushed him back. This fight wouldn't need a safe word. This wasn't Nightwing and Red Hood fighting each other; this was their gentler sides, two brothers trying to reconnect with each other. Just Dick and Jason. The reunited brothers. Jason swaggered to the furthest edge of the mat and baited Dick with a beckoning finger. The stance he fell into was familiar; it was mine and the legacy of the Bat-clan. Dick waited patiently, arms crossed casually across his chest and with one foot bouncing. He didn't do anything to respond to Jason's usually threatening moves and he looked almost bored. Tim frowned from his spot on the floor and Damian's dark eyes turned calculating.

"What's he doing?" Tim whispered.

"I don't know."

Jason charged forward, all fists and brute strength and raised his left leg to slam into Dick's stomach but Dick wasn't there anymore. In a move so quick I had almost missed it, Dick had side stepped Jason and sent him sprawling against the mat with a well placed hand. Jason leaped back to his feet and shook out his wrist with a playful snarl. Dick was barely out of breath and standing to still on the other side of the room. Jason stormed forward and aimed a balled fist at Dick, trying to work out his brother's evasive moves before Dick could make them. But Dick was fluid and so much faster than Jason, he danced around the younger's stockier frame and jabbed punches without stopping. Jason grunted and kicked out at Dick's supposedly injured knee and finally connected. Dick went down with a small hiss and concern flickered across Jason's face. I watched Jason move to help Dick but the acrobat sprang away before Jason could approach him.

"Not nice, Jay." Dick taunted.

"Sorry bro. Did that hurt?"

"No. Ready for round two?"

"Don't hold back."

The gleam in Dick's eyes promised he wouldn't. Dick moved like a ghost, his feet barely touching the floor and sent Jason hurtling over his shoulder. He used the shadows on the walls I have overlooked to sneak behind Jason and bring him down hard. Jason didn't have a chance to land a solid punch; he spent more time on the floor than he did on his feet. But still Dick's attacks were restrained; he pulled back at the last minute or twisted sideways to avoid Jason's face. I found myself looking for Robin in the darkness of Nightwing. The boy that had always been my pride and joy yet somehow had become my ultimate failure, because I had failed him. Robin haunted me every day. He followed in my footsteps, invisible to everyone but me and whispered my guilt.

_It hurt me, daddy._

_Why weren't you there?_

_You said you'd always come for me. What changed?_

_WHY DID YOU LET ME DIE?!_

He wasn't my brightly coloured bundle of joy and laughter. He was an agonised spectre that hadn't been allowed his rest. Even though Dick had come back to me, Robin still breathed in my ear, still blamed me.

And Nightwing. What was he to me now? He wasn't the boy I had raised. He had been crafted by evil to be a weapon, not to be loved. Could a man of such raw power really be able to conform to my rules? What would happen if he couldn't? What if he became a threat? He was still so new, still such a showman but I couldn't miss the danger he posed. Could I take him out?

If I did that, what would be the risk to Dick Grayson? My wonderful, beautiful first born. The child who saved me without realising it. I had to worry about Dick; it got so thick inside me I thought I would choke. Had he really coped when he had lost Robin so violently and been forced into Nightwing's mantle. Was everything I saw today just another act? Would the day come when Dick fell apart and I couldn't help him?

"Bruce? You okay?" Tim questioned softly and I looked down into his bright eyes.

"I'm fine, Tim."

"You were a long way away, Dick won the match. Again." He turned back to the pair. "Jason, give it up! You lost."

A smile fell across my lips as I looked at them. Dick had managed to flip Jason onto his back and straddle his waist. There was amusement in Dick's eyes and a full blown grin on Jason's.

"Get off him, Dick." I sighed in exasperation.

"Nu-uh. He didn't say the magic word."

"Please?" Jason tried.

"Nope. Try again."

"Pretty please with cherries on top?"

Dick snorted and shook his head. "Wrong."

"Uh...Dick, my wonderful, intelligent, merciful older brother who I love very much, pretty please with cherries on top, get the fuck off?"

"Language." I scolded.

"Like we've never heard you swear before." Jason shot back. "Seriously, Dick, move."

"Uh...I can't..." Dick offered sheepishly. "My knee is locked or something. Someone help me?"

All three of us waiting on the sidelines moved forward and reached for Dick at the same time. Dick stretched his arms out to me and looped them around my neck when I got close enough. I pulled him unsteadily to his feet and Tim dragged Jason to his. Dick wobbled a little and glared down at his knee with a pout. He rotated his knee and pressed one hand against it but never once did pain flicker across his face. I couldn't understand why he couldn't feel it.

"You all right?" I asked.

"Mmm, it'll be fine, must have just twisted it the wrong way."

"I'm sorry Dickie. I didn't mean to hurt you." Jason looked horrified that he had inflicted more injury on Dick.

But Dick turned to him with love and opened his arms wide; Jason hurried into them without hesitation.

"Ah, Jay-bird. I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. Everything's okay." He cooed.

And Jason relaxed in a way I could never get him too. The bond between my two oldest boys had always been so strong and I was immensely grateful that they could start to rediscover it. I wanted Tim and Damian to get to know their brother again. I wanted Dick to smile again.

"Father?"

"Yes Damian?"

The tiny assassin rubbed his fingertips together. "Drake and I...we think we should take Dick to the Mountain. The others should know that he's back."

"Really?"

Tim nodded. "Yeah. Surely Superman and Kid Flash should know. And I think it would be good for Dick."

"But Barbra...she won't be there. Do you think Dick's ready to know why?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Please, Bruce."

Dick's old friends could possibly bring out the laughter in him again. Superman could help me protect him from Slade. Wonder Woman, Flash, Canary, they could all help me heal him.

"You're right."

_Please...give me this...let this be the right thing to do for him...for them..._


	7. A step back in time

A/N: It's taken me forever to write this chapter and I'm still not satisfied with it. I'm sorry if Dick seems out of character but I hadn't thought he'd really had the chance to vent everything. Well, almost everything. Thank you for your lovely reviews.

...

Listen to the Black Raven sing.

A step back in time.

Dick.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Bruce?" I questioned hesitantly, placing Nightwing's mask over my eyes. "What if they freak out?"

Bruce pulled his black cowl over his face and his cape fluttered around his shoulders. Red Hood thudded down the stairs and pushed a gun discreetly into his back pocket. He ignored Batman's glare and slumped back against the wall.

"They've got no reason to freak out, 'Wing." He drawled. "Why would they?"

"Oh I don't know...maybe because I'm supposed to be dead! They're the shoot first ask questions later kinda people!"

Underneath the helmet I knew Hood was rolling his eyes at me. I turned and caught my reflection in the reflective surface of a display cabinet. Robin had walked those halls once, a whirlwind of colour and optimism. I was a fool to think Nightwing would be welcomed there. A small hand slipped into him and I looked down into Damian's covered eyes.

"Dami?"

"Don't be scared. We'll protect you."

Damian had those moments where he was so innocent and sure pure I forgot how lethally trained he was. It warmed a usually cold place in my heart whenever I realised that his love for me hadn't died that night. But like always, it made everything harder. It made the uncertainties more difficult to carry, my back up plans harder to make. Because now I had to worry about them if I couldn't stay. I ruffled Damian's hair and chuckled when he batted my fingers away.

"Thanks, Robin."

"He just wants an excuse to punch Kid Flash, that's all." Red Hood muttered.

Kid Flash. Wally West. My once best friend. How could I face him and explain myself? My stomach churned and my mouth suddenly dried out. I wanted nothing more than to lock myself in my room but Batman's hand in the centre of my back kept my feet rooted.

"Oh. That's not nice." I mumbled.

"Nightwing...Dick, everything will be fine. Just relax, OK?" Red Robin grinned.

I nodded numbly and let Batman lead me toward the door. None of them gave me time to look behind.

"Batman-02." The computer chirped as the light of the tube faded. "Red Hood- B02. Red Robin-B03. Robin-B04...Unknown..."

"Huh, we'll have to change that." Red Robin tutted.

It hurt a little bit, knowing that I had become nothing to this place. I had once spent all my time here, laughing, flying and living. Just being Robin. Nothing had changed, the walls were still white and I could still see the same chairs by the television. It would have been more comforting if something was different.

"Take Nightwing to your room, I need to talk to Superman. I'll come and get you." Batman ordered.

"Wait, what? No, I want to see everyone." I protested.

"You will. Go now."

"Bats! No!"

"Don't argue with me Nightwing. You are still an enemy to them; I need to make sure you're safe."

He turned his back on me and dismissed my words. Red shot across my vision momentarily and I had to make a tremendous effort to push it back. I understood Batman's reasons but for those few seconds he had reminded me of Slade. I would not be ignored and pushed around by my foster father.

"Eh...'Wing, you OK?" Hood waved his hand in front of my eyes.

"I'm fine. We're going to someone's room, aren't we? Lead the way." It sounded bitter and tasted acidic on my tongue.

Hood sent me a sideways glance but nodded and clattered down the hall, the younger heroes followed him. It took everything in me to step after them and not try to leave. I wanted to leave, I wanted to so badly but so many people were expecting me to stay.

And Slade was always there, whispering in my ear thoughts that I shouldn't have.

_Gather information. Can you use it against them if you have too? Exits covered? Are you ready to kill?_

I shuddered and the sudden change of my feet from floorboards to carpet made me glance up. To be honest, I hadn't expected to end up in my old room. I hadn't thought there would be another shrine to me here. The room smelt stale but someone had tried to mask it with air fresheners. The bed was made but someone had been sitting on it recently and the curtains were fluttering in the breeze from the opened window.

"Oh."

Red Robin's smile faded and his forehead bunched in concern. Robin took a small step toward me and made an aborted attempt to take my hand again. I still couldn't see Hood's face through that damned helmet.

"Oh?" Robin repeated. "What does that mean?"

There was still a faded picture of my parents on the desk, damaged by the light and locked away with all the other ghosts. A stuffed toy elephant with a frayed ear was wedged behind a pillow on the bed. The presents from my sixteenth birthday, my last birthday, were on display on the shelf on the back wall. I picked up a snow globe and my actions dislodged the glitter in it. It rained down on a tiny New York scene and I couldn't remember when I had got it.

"We never forgot you, not for one moment not even when they...when they told us to move on."

"I expected you to move on; it's what anyone would do. You thought I was dead, this room shouldn't be here. My room at the Manor shouldn't be there." I hissed. "They don't even belong to me, they're _his."_

His. That boy. The part of me they were trying to get back and the one thing I could never be again.

"What the hell you talking about?" Hood snapped.

"This was a mistake; I shouldn't have come back."

I pushed past them and used their momentary surprise to launch myself down the hall. Hood startled me when he managed to catch my arm and spin me around with my back against the wall.

"You're not going anywhere. Get a grip Dick!"

"GET OFF ME!"

I shoved him much harder than I intended to and he hit the floor with a loud thud and a groan. Betrayal shot through Robin's eyes as he bent down to help Hood to his feet. I stared wide eyed at my little brothers, the flicker of shame, guilt and horror starting to burn brighter in me. My mind was in such a mess and I couldn't stop it reeling.

"I...I'm sorry, Jay-bird."

Hood sighed and wrapped one heavy arm across my shoulders. He held me for a moment while I concentrated on steadying my heart.

"Don't worry, bro. But seriously, you need to calm down. No one here will hurt you and no matter what Batman said you are not the enemy." He stated firmly.

"More like an unknown. Even the computer agrees."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'HE'S ALIVE?' HE IS DEAD! WE SAW HIS BODY WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM HOME! IT'S NOT POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO BE ALIVE!"

I didn't know Superman's voice could be so loud; it vibrated through my bones and buzzed through my head. Groans echoed around me and Hood's arm subtly returned to grip my arm even before I had thought of running.

"Believe me or not but I'm telling the truth. I wouldn't lie about this." Batman barked.

"Oh you might. The League's been questioning you for some years now; maybe you have finally lost it!" Flash snapped.

There were two senior members of the Justice League headed toward me. Two people who I had loved and who I was suddenly terrified to see. In one fluid movement, I had shaken off Hood's hand and slipped into the shadows of the rafters. Robin's upturned face glared angrily at what he thought was me but was just dense darkness to my right.

"I don't see anyone, Batman." Superman snarled.

My heart skipped a beat and I peered anxiously down at the three mean approaching my brothers. They all looked angry, tense and tired and a far cry from the men I remembered.

"Where's Nightwing?" Batman growled

"Nightwing?" Flash interrupted. "You brought a criminal here?"

"Don't talk about him like that!" Red Robin spat. "Where do you think he is? He heard you lot coming and gave us the slip."

Robin was still trying to pick me out in the gloom and Batman followed his eyes up and spotted me instantly. I felt so foolish and childish and I turned my head away from him and huddled against the wall.

"There's another heart beat up there." Superman commented quietly.

"I know. Would you go to the lounge, all of you? We'll join you."

There were no arguments from anyone and they faithfully trailed back down the hallway. Batman leant casually on the doorframe just below me.

"What's going on Dick?"

I looked away and felt all too much like the child he would always see me as. Down the hall I saw Hood poke his head around the corner only to disappear with a strangled yelp.

"I don't belong here." I admitted softly.

"Bull." I met his eyes in surprise. "You belong here just as much as everyone else. Why on earth would you think you weren't?"

Slade. Slade made me think I wasn't worthy of belonging anywhere.

I sighed "I'm being stupid, aren't I?"

"Yes. Come down; please don't make me come up after you."

"Old man."

But I obeyed him and dropped silently down before his feet. He rested one hand on the back of my neck and squeezed reassuringly and I understood immediately.

_It's OK, Dick. I won't leave you. I love you._

"Thanks."

...

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud._

My heart was pounding in my ears and my knees were quivering. Batman had an iron grasp on my arm, I wouldn't have been able to get away from him without dislocating my arm.

"Batman, I've changed my mind. I want to go home."

"No. As much as I hate to admit it, we need their help with Slade. I will do everything to protect you but I can't be everywhere at once."

"Yeah, I know that."

But what if he finds me? What if I'm as in control as I think I am? What if I put everyone at risk? And...what if...I'm not wanted here? I dragged my feet on the floor as Batman propelled me after him, determination in his stride and begrudgingly accepted that I wasn't leaving.

"We're here." Batman growled.

I froze, my entire body tensed to run and I stubbornly fixed my eyes on my shoes. Batman let my arm go and I almost called out to him before I realised he hadn't left me. There were footsteps that paced smoothly toward me, Superman's I guessed by the heaviness of the steps. He stopped and suddenly I was staring at red boots and blue tights.

"Look at me." He ordered. I shook my head defiantly and his unimaginable grip was suddenly locked around my biceps. "Look at me damn you!"

"Stop, you're hurting me!" I cried and struggled against him. "Uncle Clark!"

"What did you just say?" He sounded chocked and his hand trembled on my arm.

I looked up pleadingly into his dark eyes, aware that Hood had moved to hover menacingly just behind me.

"Let go. Please."

Superman stared at me for a heart beat longer with unfathomable eyes until suddenly his face crumpled and he tugged me wordlessly into his chest.

"Oh God, it's you. It's really you. How?"

I stepped back and shrugged. "That's not important. But I'm back now."

His large hand ghosted through my hair and down my cheek. I had never seen Superman close to tears but this time I could see the tiny crystals building in his eyes.

"I can't believe you've come back. I don't-." Superman babbled and then span around to Batman. "Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't believe you."

Batman nodded gruffly and accepted the apology. "It's hard to understand, I know."

Flash wandered closer to me with pale skin and wide eyes, moving far too slow for the Speedster. His hands skimmed over my face and a smile like I'd never seen before bloomed across his face.

"I...I...impossible."

"Hey Flash. Miss me?"

"Like you wouldn't believe. I have to go and find Kid Flash."

He was gone in a blur of scarlet and my stomach flipped again. Superman had never taken his eyes away from me and every so often he reached out for me only to still. Hood patted my shoulder and finally let me pull his helmet of and shove it at Bruce. He smirked but straightened as a figure stumbled into the room closely followed by another.

"What is Flash going on about?" Superboy snapped. "He's alive again? And who's that?"

Red Robin fluttered toward Superboy, his hands held up to ward of any arguments as M'gann floated beside him.

"Hear me out, this is going to be a little hard to understand but keep an opened mind."

Conner looked older but softer somehow, like in living he had been able to forget that he was a clone and he had left behind that manufactured anger. M'gann's hair was shorter, barely brushing her shoulders and she had filled out over the years. Her bright eyes were locked on mine and she was seemed to be warring between disbelief and hope.

"What?" Conner growled.

"This is Nightwing."

"So?"

"He's D-."

"Dickie?" M'gann whispered.

I blinked at her and she crept toward me, her eyes alight with the need to believe that miracles could happen.

"Hi, Miss M." She gasped and her hands flew to her mouth, tears fell to fast down her cheeks and I felt myself start to panic. "Ah! Don't cry, M'gann. It's not that bad!"

She pressed her hand against my chest and there was a subtle prod in my mind. I let her in enough to reassure her but slammed up the locks around Slade's torture.

"It's him." Her lithe body collided with mine and I had to move quickly to keep us both balanced. "I missed you."

"I can't be." Large hands seized my shoulders and ripped me away from her. Conner's eyes were nearly black with rage. "I saw his body! We were at his funeral!"

Conner was caught in the past, when I was barely half his height and they all thought I was invincible. I had never thought how badly my death must have affected them. We had all only been kids and we had already seen so much death. I saw the sting of the ones left behind on his face.

"I'm sorry, Supes. I...I didn't mean to get caught."

Conner stared at me for a moment longer and grunted once. He gave me one brief squeeze that screamed all the words he would never be able to say.

"Welcome home...Nightwing..."

I should have smiled for them. But I couldn't. The dense sorrow and darkness inside me choose that moment to rear its head and it stole the warmth away from my blood. But then I looked up at the people striding toward me and the warmth left my body.

"KF."

I recognised the rage on his face a heartbeat too late and couldn't move fast enough to avoid his fist. It sent me sprawled against the floor, my knee struck the table and the loose joint popped. Hood was on Kid Flash in a heartbeat, Robin a step behind him and all three had their fists swinging. Red Robin helped me to my feet and let me lean on him as I shook out my leg. He reached up and wiped away a tendril of blood from my lip that I hadn't noticed.

"You OK?" He murmured.

"Yeah. I should have seen that coming." I muttered darkly.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" Kid Flash screamed, still pinned by my brothers. "DICK IS DEAD! HE ISN'T COMING BACK! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"Try it." I quipped. "I'll probably just come back again."

It tore my heart apart to see the anguish on his face, the tears that he made no attempt to stop. He struggled wildly in Hood's arms and I was worried he would end up hurting himself. Behind him M'gann was still sobbing loudly, Conner looked devastated and Superman's facade was cracking.

"Wally, I promise you, it's really him. There's no doubting it. Dick's come back to us." M'gann whispered.

"Why would you come back now?" Kid Flash wept. "Right when we were moving on! Why?"

"...I...I'm sorry."

"I hate you." Kid Flash confessed with a venomous whisper.

I flinched. "I know."

"We buried you! You were nearly unrecognisable, you were so badly burnt!"

The memory of that night washed through me and I could feel the phantom burns and the path of the crowbar. I shuddered and wrapped my arms around my chest.

"I remember."

"Three years! Three fucking years! Do you have any idea what that did to us? To me? To your brothers?"

I knew. Of course I did. I saw the blankness in Tim's eyes, the self-loathing in Jason's and the wrath in Damien's. They carried it with them with every step and thought I didn't see.

"Yes! And I'm sorry; it wasn't my intention to die! I didn't ask for it! Are you really so upset that I had the nerve to die? Do you know what The Joker did to me?"

"Nightwing. Don't." Robin warned softly.

"He had me in that warehouse in the snow in a foreign country for FIVE hours! Did you see all the broken bones? There are two hundred and six bones in the human body and he broke one hundred and eighty of mine. I know this because he counted each one as they snapped! I couldn't get out! The door was locked...and there was a bomb...and no one came! Why didn't you come for me, Wally? You promised that you'd always look after me, that I didn't always have to be a big brother and I could be a little one too. Why did you let me die?"

In the stunned silence that followed my outburst, I sank to my knees and buried my face in my hands. No one moved or even dared to breathe and I was lost in a flashback that I couldn't get out off.

"I was still alive when the bomb went off! Bleeding all over the floor and unable to use my legs but I tried to get out! I felt the blast rip me apart. You don't have the right to hate me. I should hate you. All off you...you let me die! Why can't you be sorry? Why do I have to try and make everything better? And then...and then...he brought me back...and you weren't there. All of you said I'd never be alone. You lied to me."

Someone knelt down in front of me and their hands ghosted across my shoulders and they heaved with the force of my sudden unstoppable sobs. Everything had just come crashing down around me and I was powerless to stop it. A part of me knew I should blame them; it was the Joker's fault not theirs. But I had tried to take my grief out on The Joker and it hadn't worked. I had only fallen deeper into my own despair.

"Dick, you're right." To my surprise it was Kid Flash talking to me, his hand a grounding weight on my back. "We should have got to you sooner."

"I'm sorry. I did mean what I said."

"Yes you did." M'gann corrected and I flinched guiltily. "But you're allowed to feel like that, you're right to blame us."

"I'm not. You looked for me, right?" I glanced up into her compassionate eyes. "You didn't just leave me there?"

"Silly boy, of course we didn't. We looked everywhere for you. Broke our hearts when we were too late."

Conner crouched down and wordlessly ran his hand across my shoulders, a small smile playing around his lips. But my words had hurt them all deeply, struck a place inside them that I had no right too.

"I don't blame you."

"We know."

"I didn't know I'd been gone so long."

"Hush, Dick, it's OK."

"I tried to get back. I really did. But he was to strong. He wouldn't let me."

I wondered if they realised I wasn't talking about The Joker any longer. I would always hate that it took me so long to get away from Slade, that I didn't try harder. There was a loud sob from behind me that was achingly familiar and I reached my free hand back.

"Come here."

Red Robin all but fell into my embrace, his nose pressed against my neck and wet with tears. Robin folded against my back and sniffled quietly. And to my relief Batman had his arms around Hood, shushing his tears softy.

"Dick." I looked up questionably at Wally's summon. He glanced away guiltily but turned determined eyes back to me and smiled. "I missed you, Birdie."

Perhaps in the end, Bruce had been right. They could help me shake of Slade. Or they could die trying to save me. As I stared at their innocent faces, oblivious to the destruction I had caused, I knew I could never tell them. I had to let them believe that I had been dead three years. I could not let them see the monster I had become.

I would fight for them until I had no strength left. Until Dick Grayson was a remnant and Nightwing had finally atoned.

Until I returned to the earth.


	8. Who are you?

A/N: I really struggled with this chapter and I hope it doesn't let anyone down. Thank you so much for all those wonderful reviews/alerts/favourites.

...

Listen to the Black Raven sing.

Who are you?

Wally.

They were late. It wasn't that unusual, they could have run into trouble but Robin always radioed to let us know. He was always so careful when Jason was with him and his baby brothers were left with us.

So why hadn't he called?

M'gann sniffed and rubbed her palms together in distress, Conner paced the small living room floor. I handed Tim another toy car and threw a red toy fire engine at Damien. But even they could sense that something wasn't right. Flash and Superman knew something, they were keeping a secret from us, something terrible. They dashed around the Watch Tower with pale faces and wide eyes. Canary appeared for a brief moment and whispered something into Superman's ear before disappearing again. J'onn froze in the entrance to the room we were all crowded in and bowed his head.

"Uncle?" M'gann questioned hesitantly. "What's wrong?"

Canary walked up to J'onn's side and her red puffy eyes and quivering lip sent a ball of dread into my stomach. Something was desperately wrong.

"It's Robin, isn't it?" I concluded.

Tim stiffened and looked up from his toy; M'gann fluttered instantly to the boy's side and gathered Damien to her as well. Canary sighed and sat down on the free armchair and motioned for us to sit, we all obeyed and sank to the floor. Even Conner crouched down beside me, his eyes wide. Flash led Kaldur and Artemis to us with a sombre silence and despite our differences, I reached for Artemis.

"At six-thirty we received a radio message from Batman and Jason. They were in Germany and after the man who had taken Robin hostage. A few hours later, Jason sent us another update; The Joker had kidnapped Robin. And...and..."

Her voice trailed off suddenly and I twisted to glance at the clock on the wall. The clock was ticking toward midnight, why were we only hearing about this now?

"What else?" Kaldur asked.

"Oh...I don't know how to tell you this...sixty minutes ago, Batman called again and...J'onn? I can't..."

The green alien sighed heavily and turned red eyes to us. My heart was beating too fast, I couldn't breathe properly and I knew without being told what had happened. Tim knew too, he broke from M'gann and buried himself in my side, already sobbing nosily.

"The warehouse in which The Joker was holding Robin exploded and Robin was caught in the blast."

"What are you saying?" M'gann shrieked.

"Robin didn't make it. I'm so sorry."

"NO!" M'gann screamed.

Her sobs were louder than Tim's, I turned dazed eyes to her and watched her break down and wail into her hands. Conner span around and slammed his fist into the wall, plaster rained down from the dent but he didn't seem to notice and lashed out again and again until I thought he was going to bring the building down. Kaldur let out a strange, strangled little sound and hid his face from us, his shoulder's heaving. Artemis trembled in my hold and whispered a prayer underneath her breath. My side had become wet from Tim's unstoppable tears, I wanted to stop them but I lacked the words. I looked for Damien, he looked frightened and unsure, I wasn't sure if he had understood everything.

Robin didn't make it. Robin's gone. Dick's gone. My little brother's dead.

I failed him.

I can't breathe.

"Where is he?"

"Batman said he would take him to medical when he arrived. Should be in a few hours. We'll call you, OK?"

"...sure..."

_..._

"Guys?" Canary summoned us what felt like weeks later. "You can see him now."

There was a smudge of mascara underneath Canary's eye and her lip was red like she had almost bitten through it. The weight of grief had pulled her shoulders down and the usually proud woman looked hideously small. I dragged my sleeve underneath my nose and stumbled to my feet. There was a horrible emptiness inside me; I already felt Robin's absence keenly. Like someone had reached inside me and hollowed me out. Left my bleeding, broken heart just to punish me, just to spite me.

"I don't think Tim and Damien should see him." M'gann mumbled. "If he was in an...explosion...he might look...you know."

"I need to see him." Tim argued. "I won't get another chance."

The kid looked terrible, like his life had been torn to pieces and he couldn't pick up the shards. I suppose that's exactly how he felt. He had Damien securely in his arms, balancing the little boy on his hip.

Canary nodded. "Follow me."

We all rose in a slow, frightened procession toward the corpse of a friend and an older brother. Artemis worked her hand into mine and clutched at my fingers, I squeezed back in a desperate need for comfort. It was terrifying to think that Robin would never walk these halls again. Never jump out at us from behind doors just to scare us. I would never see him tend to his brothers with the patience, love and kindness only he had. Everything looked darker. An oppressing silence had settled over the Watch Tower as it mourned with us.

"He's in here. You don't have to see him, you know." Canary confirmed and I think a part of her wished we wouldn't look.

"We have too." I answered for everyone. "We have too."

"Brace yourselves then, it isn't pleasant." She slid opened the door and stepped back. "I hope this helps somehow. If any of you need to talk you know where I'll be."

She spun on her heel and clicked down the hallway without looking back. Conner stepped up to the opened and paused outside it, I watched him gather himself and almost lose control. But Kaldur rested his hand on the clone's shoulder and together they walked in. M'gann took Tim's and Damien's hands and led them in, Tim shuddered out a breath that was painful to hear. Artemis hovered next to me, I could sense her peering into my face and waiting for me to move. But I wanted to run away from everything. To wake up from this nightmare and see Robin smile again.

"Ready?" I had never heard Artemis sound so fragile and young. "You said it yourself; we need to do this, Bay-watch."

I let out the lungful of air I was holding onto and tightened my grip on her hand. "Yeah. I know. But I..."

_I'm not ready to say goodbye._

"Same here."

Artemis smiled brokenly before straightening her shoulders, squaring her jaw and marching us both into the stillness of the Medical room.

The stillness of the room hit me instantly despite the people crowded into it. I had never heard a silence so loud before and it terrified me. Batman looked up at us as we crept toward him and the agony in his unmasked eyes nearly knocked me back. For the first time I wasn't looking at The Batman, I was staring into the face of Bruce Wayne. The grieving, broken father. He looked awful, his eyes bloodshot, cheeks tear stained and his lip was torn to pieces from his own teeth. He held my eye for a fraction longer and then looked down at the bundle in his arms. I thought at first that it was Jason as I hadn't seen him yet but then I looked closer and I saw the blood and the singed hair. My stomach rolled and my lunch threatened to make its way back up. The draw was hypnotic and I ended up stood beside Bruce looking down into the burnt face of my best friend. But it was worse than just burns. The broken jaw, twisted arm and the gouges on his skin could not be caused by an explosion. And just like that I understood and died a little inside. Dick had been tortured, barbarically and probably for hours. Someone as pure and wonderful as Dick didn't deserve it. Tears rose to my eyes and I couldn't fight them away, a sob erupted from my mouth and it seemed to set everyone else off. Bruce buried his face back into Dick's unruly hair and his body trembled.

"...My boy...my Robin...wake up...Dickie please...come back to me...son, this once just do as I say. Please. I...I can't lose you." He mumbled.

It broke my heart to see him suffer and I turned immediately to find the young Bats. Tim and Damien were easy to find, curled up in M'gann and Artemis' arms and crying loudly. Given time, Bruce would reach out to them. But I couldn't see Jason and I panicked a little, no one had said Jason was hurt as well. I owed it to Dick to keep his brothers' safe. Superman walked up to my side and nudged my arm, pointing underneath another bed. I crouched down and peered into the darkness and the pathetic form of Jason stared back at me. He was curled up into the smallest ball I had ever seen in the far corner, hiding his face and crying without sound. In his trembling hand he clutched Robin's tattered mask and the stuffed elephant toy that Robin always denied he had.

"Come out from there, Jay."

"Don't call me that!" He screamed and curled up tighter still. "I can't...he's not gone! He just can't be. They can fix him. Dick promised he'd never leave me."

How could a fourteen year old boy accept that his big brother was never coming home? Tears still slipped down my face and I raised a hand to hastily brush them away. Jason shuddered and wailed, one hand moving to grip his hair.

"I want him back. Give him back to me! Please, I'll do anything. Wally please!"

"There's nothing I can do, Jase. I'm sorry."

"No! You're lying."

"I'm not."

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

He thrashed against the floor, throwing his head back so it connected with the leg of the bed. Damien whimpered at the noise Jason was making and Tim hid his face further into Artemis' shirt. Bruce looked torn, wanting to comfort his son but unable to leave Dick. I crawled under the bed and gathered the screaming, broken boy into my arms. He didn't fight me, just went lax against my chest and kept wailing, bartering with someone for Dick's resurrection.

"Ssh, Jason, ssh. It'll be OK. Ssh.

"No it won't. Nothing will ever be OK again."

And I agreed with him.

...

-Present day-

Looking back on those days I sometimes can't believe we survived it. We were all full of so much guilt, sorrow, anger, hate that once or twice we turned on each other. I'm glad that Dick wasn't around to see us, he'd only be disappointed. I think he'd be heartbroken to see what it did to Jason. Maybe one day, Jason will tell him how he carved Red Hood from the wreck he had become and became the foundation that supported Bruce. Jason would deny it but without him, there would be no Batman any longer. I really hope Dick knows.

This new Dick frightened me. I had only been in his presence for a few hours but he made my instincts jump. He wasn't threatening, I couldn't even see any weapons on him but he made me uncomfortable. And that hurt, a lot. Maybe it was because we had been so close and I knew when he was hiding things, something far worse than the Joker. I could see it in his eyes. There was a red mark on his jaw from my fist but it didn't seem to bother him, he chatted happily with M'gann. But those eyes of his didn't keep still, didn't focus on the Martian for longer than a few seconds. They jumped from Jason to Tim to Damien to Batman to the dark corner to the doorway and back to M'gann. M'gann sent me a worried glance and kept rambling nonsense that Dick wasn't listening to. Damien sensed his brother's unease and scrambled from the floor to Dick's side, so close he was nearly sitting on Dick. Immediately Dick lifted his hand and ran it through Damien's hair.

"What do you see when you look at him?" Jason asked.

"A secret. He's accounted for two years but there's still one missing. Has he said anything?"

"Heard him talking to Bruce earlier, something about a man called Slade but I didn't catch anything else."

"Slade? Why does that sound familiar?"

"It should do." Tim interrupted with a whisper "Remember Batman telling us about Deathstroke?"

"The Terminator?" I dropped the volume of my voice as Conner looked over at us.

"Yup. I think he had Dick for that last year. That's why he didn't come home." Tim theorised.

"Jesus." Jason groaned. "What do we do?"

I shrugged and felt a wave of dread wash over me. We had all heard Bruce's stories of a mad man hell bent on pain and death. What could have happened to Dick during that time? I glanced at Dick to find cool blue eyes watching us steadily and a frown growing stronger on his lips. I smiled at him and received a raised eyebrow in return but then Damien caught his attention and Dick looked away.

"C'mon." Tim beckoned "Maybe we can find something out."

We crept out of the door before anyone noticed us leaving, though I'm fairly sure Batman knew. Canary shouted after us as we barged past her but none of us stopped for her. Tim led us to the computer and immediately sat down in the cushioned chair. Jason dragged a stool over and I vibrated on the spot.

"A man like Deathstroke couldn't stay under the radar for long. I bet he's on the system somewhere. If we find where he's been the last year, we could find out a little bit more about Dick."

"I don't know, Tim, is this right? Shouldn't we just ask Dick?"I fretted.

"We have asked him and each time he's told us not to get involved. You didn't see him last night; he was spooked. I think he's in more trouble than he's telling us. I don't know about you but I'm not about to let some psycho take him away again."

"Fine. Do it."

Tim nodded slowly and turned to the keyboard. The keys clicked loudly as he typed agonisingly slowly.

Deathstroke the Terminator.

His finger hovered above the enter key and he hesitantly met our eyes. "Are we sure about this? What if we find something we don't like?"

"Then we'll deal with it. Timmy, I have to know, just one little thing. Anything." Jason pleaded.

Tim complied and stabbed down on the key hard. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I heard Jason lean forward on his stool to see closer.

"It doesn't say anything. He hasn't been anywhere. How is that possible?" Tim growled.

I opened my eyes to see a black 'Subject not found' flashing across the screen. Tim looked despondent at the screen and pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead. Jason leaped to his feet and with one sweep sent a stack of books crashing to the floor.

"Damn it. How can we help him if we don't know?"

"We wait until the time is right." A fourth voice instructed.

We yelped and spun around, Batman scowled at us and brushed past Tim to shut the computer down. Tim and I hung our heads like scolded children but Jason stared defiantly at his dad.

"I'm impressed you managed to work it out so fast." Batman praised. "But I don't want you messing around with this. Dick is delicate right now and Slade is a very dangerous man. I brought Dick here for protection and that's what I need you to give him. Don't try and force his story out of him, I'm sure you remember how stubborn he can be."

"We just want to help, dad." Tim insisted.

"I know you do and Dick is thankful but he needs time. It's been less than two weeks since he's been back with us, he'll come around."

A shrill scream echoed of the walls around us, long and terrified. Tim leaped to his feet and Jason span around to face the stairs.

"That was Artemis!" I realised. "Shit, she doesn't know about Dick!"

I turned and bolted down the corridor, the Bat clan half a step behind me.

"I knew this was going to be a disaster." Jason moaned. "Didn't I say it would be?"

"Shut up, Hood." Tim snapped.

...

Truthfully I was expecting Dick to be impaled by an arrow or at the very least backed into a corner. But I threw open the door and froze in surprise. Artemis did have her bow out but it was her in a corner and Dick staring at her in bewilderment. Kaldur's dark skin had paled dramatically and he looked a step away from attacking Dick. Damien hovered protectively in front of Dick and M'gann was trying to talk Artemis down. Dick spotted us and raised his hands by his head.

"I didn't do anything! I didn't even say hello. She saw me and screamed! I'm not that frightening, am I?" He babbled.

"You're down right terrifying Dick." Jason deadpanned.

Dick bit his lip and stared at Artemis with concern. "I didn't mean to upset her...or Kaldur...I can go, if you want."

"Its fine, Dick. You just surprised them." M'gann reassured. "You seem to have a habit of that today."

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't mean it like that. Just give them a moment to calm down."

Dick stood to attention against the wall but one hand kept drifting down and brushing against his ribs. Every so often he rubbed at his left ear and shook his head harshly. Finally Kaldur unfroze and his defensive stance dropped, his bare feet barely touched the carpet as he moved to stand in front of the smaller man. Damien growled but allowed Dick to push him gently away.

"Kaldur." Dick greeted.

The man smiled and pressed one hand against Dick's chest. "It is good to see you again, my friend. Though I don't know how you can be here."

"It's a long story, Kal. I'll tell you about it one day."

"It will be soon. I feel it will do all of us a lot of good to know."

Dick nodded and slapped his hand against Kaldur's shoulder. I suddenly wanted so badly to see him smile or hear him laugh. Just to prove that it really was still him. I nudged M'gann out of the way and crouched down in front of Artemis. Her eyes were wide behind her cowl and she looked terrified.

"I thought I'd lost my mind when I saw him sitting there. But then M'gann started talking to him and that was just as frightening. I haven't gone insane, right? That's Dick Grayson standing right there?"

"In the flesh." I promised. "I think you're probably freaking him out a little bit. Maybe you should say hi?"

My strong girl nodded and shook of her fright and prowled toward and very nervous looking hero. Dick couldn't hold her gaze and instead chose to study his shoe. Artemis reached out and touched his chin until he looked at her.

"I don't know how you keep pulling of these miracles, Grayson but don't ever stop."

She touched her lips briefly to his cheek and sprang back to my side. Again Dick didn't smile but his face lit up and he winked at her.

"You bet I won't."

"So what do we call you now? I love the new outfit but that's not Robin's colours." She ran her eyes over Dick's older body. "It suits you."

"Not looking to bad yourself there, Artie. I'm Nightwing."

Comprehension flashed through her eyes, tales of Nightwing's skill had been whispered all over. Stories of barbaric torture but looking at him, I knew they couldn't be true. Nightwing was a part of Dick, and Dick was the best of us. He always had been.

"So, Nightwing it is then." Kaldur nodded. "Welcome back."

If Dick had come home, why did he feel so absent?

...

"Batman, there's a message coming through." Superman informed us. "I don't recognise the signal."

"Put it on screen then."

Superman obeyed and a heart beat later a video feed flickered onto the screen. At first, I couldn't work out what I was seeing, there was just black. Then something moved in the shadows and Dick screamed. He lunged forward, nearly sending Conner sprawling and glared at the man on the screen.

"What do you want?" He shrieked.

"Ah, my Apprentice, as impatient as always. How are you after our last encounter?" The man's voice was poisoned honey and I was beginning to understand exactly who he was. "I was worried the lack of air might have affected you."

Batman took a step toward Dick and tried to lead him away from the screen but his protégé wouldn't move. Jason growled and toyed with the guns strapped to his thighs.

"I'm great, Slade. Takes more than that to knock me down."

Slade leant closer to the screen and Dick swallowed hastily. "The correct term is Master, Nightwing. As you very well know."

Dick scoffed and rolled his eyes but the tremble in his hand couldn't be ignored. The once Boy Wonder was terrified but slowly gathering himself. Darkness was falling over his eyes and I wanted to rip it away.

"You can't hurt me. You have not control here."

"Don't ever underestimate me, Richard. There are other ways of controlling you. Pain my not affect you any longer and perhaps you don't fear death but what about your family? Your friends? The people you've bumped into on the street? Do you think they'll be as resilient?"

"You bastard! I'm here Slade; you don't need to hurt anyone."

"But you have forgotten your place. And now I know the faces of everyone you hold dear. You've made them a target."

"What do you want?"

"I want you. I am serious; Richard and I will not stop. Here's a reminder."

The camera turned to a bloody corpse propped up against a wall. My stomach churned and I had to look away, M'gann gasped loudly.

"Until the time comes, Apprentice."

When I looked up again, the screen was black and Dick's head was bent over the keyboard. Damien moved forward and touched Dick's arm softly. Dick didn't acknowledge his brother and clenched his fists.

"Dick?" Batman called.

"His name was Victor, a homeless man from Bludhaven. I probably spoke to him three times in total. Slade killed him because I knew him. This was a mistake, I shouldn't have come home. I've put you all in terrible danger. I'm sorry."

"Dickie."

The raven haired man straightened and turned angrily to look at us. His face was wet with furious tears and his eyes blazed with a vengeance I thought only Bruce could possess. The air crackled around him and suddenly I didn't recognise him. I watched Dick Grayson become Nightwing and found myself doubting my faith in him.

Could Dick really be a killer?

"I want you to find everyone. Barbra, Zatanna, Roy, anyone who I know. Bring them all back here and keep them here."

"That's a lot of people, Dick. They're scattered all over the world." Superman argued.

"Slade won't care how many or how far they are. He won't ever stop until he gets when he wants. I'm not ready to face Slade again but I will be soon. And I need to know they're safe."

"All right." Superman agreed.

"Good. That means increased security, no one leaves the tower alone and radio contact must be maintained."

When did Dick become so much of a soldier? Before or after he died?

He prowled toward the door with shoulders must broader than they used to be and a different purpose in his step. Tim rushed after him and pulled him to a stop.

"Where are you going?"

"I can't stay here anymore, Timmy. If I'm here you're venerable and Slade will come through you to get to me. I won't let him."

"But Slade will kill you."

"No, he won't. Slade's got something much worse planned for me but I'll die before I become his servant again. Don't worry about that."

"That's not very comforting." Artemis hissed. "We'd rather you didn't die either way, Bird Brain."

Dick shrugged. "I've already died once. It might even be easier this time around."

"Don't talk like that!" M'gann cried. "We've just got you back. Stay here. Let us help."

"I can't. I'm sorry."

"You look so different, Dick, you even hold yourself differently. But at least I know now one thing hasn't changed; you're so damned determined to be alone when you don't have to be. We're all here for you, just let us be." I pleaded.

Dick looked momentarily so pained that I wanted to chase away the horror his life had become and keep him sheltered here.

"But if I stay, he'll kill you."

Jason walked toward his panicked brother and laced one arm over his shoulders.

"Let him try, bro. We're here to stay. For a year you've fought with Slade, now let us take some of the burden."

It sounded like such a good plan. Protect Dick so he could protect us. But Dick's gaze stayed focused on the door and I knew he wasn't listening to us. Robin would have asked for help but there was an arrogant streak to Nightwing that irritated me. There was too much violence and aggression in him.

...Who are you?...


	9. A second devil

A/N: Thank you so much for all your continued support, it means the world. Enjoy!

Xx

...

Listen to the Black Raven sing.

A second devil.

Dick.

Flying.

It's something that comes as easily as breathing and is just as essential. I need the sky, the wind and the freedom that comes when I soar. Once I had used it to rise above Dick Grayson's insecurities as a parentless boy with a superhero as a wannabe father. Then it was as Robin as he struggled with three younger brothers, demons and a bat. But Nightwing has never flown, he never had the chance. Slade clipped my wings the moment I woke up, stripped the feathers and snapped the bones. He tethered me to the ground.

_I think...to win I have to fly. I can't be afraid of falling._

But I am. I'm terrified.

I stood motionless at the entrance to the gym, unable to take the last few steps forward and enter. Three years was a long time to be absent from the bars and I was afraid it had been too long. If I couldn't fly anymore who was I?

"No." I growled softly. "Don't you dare dishonour your parents by being a coward. If you don't do this then you've let them and Bruce down."

Before I could doubt myself any further I marched across the floor and stared up at the horizontal bar. They hadn't changed but everything felt different. I wrapped my hands methodically and positioned myself beneath the bar. Slade didn't let me fly. I needed it. I sprang up onto the bar above my head and swung myself over it a few times. It wasn't the same but the familiarity of a routine was comforting. It was distracting to work through the moves and put my hands in the right place. I stopped my rotation half way through and ended up in a steady handstand on top of the bar. There was enough strength in my arms to keep them straight and I didn't have to worry about tiring. I twisted around and let myself fall controlled into another rotation and feed my legs through my arms and curve my body into a spin. Two turns later I flipped of the bar, somersaulted in the air twice and caught it again. My routine came to an end and I dismounted easily on the mat. There was familiar clapping behind me and I glanced over my shoulder to greet Kid Flash.

"Never thought I'd see that again." He commented. "You've still got it."

I made my way toward the trapeze platform and shrugged. "Don't think I could lose it."

"Good point."

"Did you want something?"

"Just passing on a message; Roy's on his way and furious with you. He'll be here soon."

"OK. I can handle Roy. What about Zatanna and...Babs?"

Kid Flash sighed and watched me climb up the ladder to the platform. "Zatanna's in Africa. M'gann's going to fly out with the bio-ship sometime tomorrow."

I stared down at the ginger haired hero. "Barbra?"

"That's a little more difficult. Barbra doesn't really talk to us anymore, not after you er...you know. And Batgirl retired. Batman's going to get her in a few hours."

I sat down on the ledge and dangled my feet over the edge. Kid Flash pulled a face and took a few steps back so he didn't have to strain his neck.

"No, send Red Robin. He's less threatening."

Kid Flash laughed. "Will do. Later, Wing."

He was gone as quickly as he came in, just a red blur streaking out of the door. I sighed loudly, over a week back in their lives and nothing was easier. What would make Barbra turn her back on everyone? It can't just have been me. I never meant that much to her. Did I? Barbra and I had danced a complicated tango for years before I died. Never quite knowing what we meant to each other. I had loved her. Maybe I could love her again. Perhaps Slade hadn't butchered that emotion out of me too. I missed her. I pulled myself to my feet and launched of the platform and seized the trapeze. It was as free as I could be. The only way I could spread my broken wings and pretend that nothing had changed and I was still Robin. I used to be able to play up here in the air, laugh and sing along to the radio. Batman would stand below me and cheer me on or catch me when I fell. I had fun. I was alive. I wasn't anymore, I felt like a shell at the best of times. I timed my next swing and caught the next trapeze in front of me and landed on the opposite platform.

When did everything go so wrong?

Why me?

I slumped down against the wall and hid my face in my hands. I was so tired and fighting to not show my fractured mind was almost impossible. My family needed me to be strong, to still be the sixteen year old boy that made them laugh. But I didn't know how to be. I wasn't him. They couldn't hide how uncomfortable I made them. Kid Flash couldn't even be in the same room as me for more than a few minutes. He used to be my best friend now he was what? A comrade? An ally? We didn't know each other anymore. They had no idea who I had become.

...Victor...

"God. I'm sorry." I whispered.

I had to know, had to see what Slade had done to an innocent man. Batman would be too preoccupied to notice if I left. Red Hood wouldn't leave his brothers. M'gann couldn't see into my mind like she used to.

With my mind made up, I jumped down from the platform and eased out of the gym doors. The living room was surprisingly empty though I could hear Robin's sharp voice drawing nearer. Canary was nearby, I could smell her perfume. I sprinted across the room and into the tubes just as someone stepped into the room.

"DICK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Conner cried.

Light folded across my eyes and I turned stubbornly away from him. I had less time than I thought.

...

The tube spat me out in the Bat Cave to the surprise of Alfred. The old man blinked at me and opened his mouth to talk but I tore past him and ripped the tarpaulin of the motorbike I had seen in the corner.

"Master Dick?"

"Sorry, Alf. I have to go. Get to the Tower as soon as you can, yeah?"

I threw my leg over the bike and snagged the key from a hook on the wall. Alfred waved his arms in alarm and I sat back to listen to what he had to say.

"Are you coming back?"

There was fear in his eyes, his eyebrows drawn together and his hands clasped in front of his chest. I nodded slowly.

"I plan too. Tell Bruce not to worry. And go to the Tower!"

Alfred tried to say something else but it got lost in the roar of the bike. A small amount of guilt tugged at my mind, everyone would be so angry with me. But they would never understand the need to know. I twisted the throttle and flew down the road toward Gotham city. There was something I had to get before I headed toward Bludhaven. In the dark of the night I manoeuvred the bike through Gotham's empty streets and kept a look out for Batman's shadow. By now the Bat would know and he would find me soon. I turned into a dark alley and shut the engine of the bike, propping it against a grimy wall. Rats squealed on the ground and garbage crunched underneath my feet. I paused beside a bed made of a cardboard box and stolen rags. This had been my home the first few nights free from Slade before Selina had found me. I pushed a damp box out of the way and pulled a loose brick free from the wall. When I had first run, I had hidden my weapons away, afraid to use them but terrified of leaving them behind. But I felt venerable without them at my side. I dragged a silver box out of the wall and reached in to pull a black holster out of the depths. After strapping it to my right leg and making sure it was secure, I opened the box. Slade had made these eskrima sticks for me after realising I could be deadly with them. And I had shed blood with them. His and mine. They were electrified weapons designed to kill but I had missed them. I fixed them into their holster and felt more like myself than before. Now I could fight. I was nearly ready. I turned away from the dank, disgusting alleyway and returned to my bike.

...

Three years ago I would have trembled at the thought of Bludhaven. I would have refused to go there on my own. I knew the horror stories, blood flowed in the streets and there was a murderer waiting around every corner. Now I know better. In Bludhaven, what you see is what you get. It's not hidden behind politics or defended by brightly coloured heroes. One day it would have its own hero. Just not today.

I had recognised the building in Slade's crude video. It was an abandoned warehouse on the North side of the city. I turned off the engine and climbed smoothly off it, leaving it hidden behind some boxes. Slade had taken me here once, nearly cut my arm of when I refused to obey him. A shudder wracked my body and I wanted nothing more than to run. But I forced my feet forward and dropped in through an open window. The smell of blood, urine and decaying flesh hit me instantly and I gagged. I crept steadily forward, breathing through my mouth and watching the darkness in the corners twitch. The walls felt like they were closing in around me, the hiss of wind through the opened window mocked me and my hand closed instinctively around my eskrima sticks. My boot skidded on something wet and I glanced down at the red blood covering the floor. It was up the walls in a crimson burst and dripping of boxes. This had been my fate once; I had watched my blood stain the walls and leak across the floor. My stomach rolled and I glanced at the ceiling above me until I had gathered myself enough to ignore it and move further into the warehouse. Slade had left a path for me through the boxes, he knew me better than I wanted him too. Or maybe I was just predictable. There was a patch of artificial light in the middle of the warehouse; Victor's body lay bloody inside it. The guilt nearly crushed me, I felt it baring down on my shoulders and twisting around my insides. I crouched down beside him, uncaring that his blood drenched my knees. Even though Victor had been homeless for over six years, he had always managed to keep himself presentable. But Slade had ripped that away from him. He had been scalped, two fingers were missing from his left hand and there was no flesh on the soles of his feet.

Why would Slade do this? This was cruel even for him. Did the man exist just to hurt me?

The warehouse door slammed shut and the lock slid into place like a gunshot. I leaped to my feet and yanked my eskrima sticks from their holster. The manic laughter that echoed around the small building chilled my blood and turned the guilt to fear inside me.

"Isn't this nice? Just like old times. Maybe you'll last longer now."

The Joker was a faceless phantom in the darkness. My heart was tripping over its beats and I couldn't catch my breath. Beneath my gloves, sweat was starting to gather on my palms and it beaded on my forehead.

"Joker." I growled.

"Look at you, so grown up! So tough!"

"Show yourself!"

"Why? Do the shadows frighten you?"

I rolled my eyes. "You know who you're talking to, right? We're old friends Joker, let's talk face to face. How's the broken arm?"

The Joker snorted and stepped forward from a corner of the warehouse with his hands on his hips. Some part of me wanted The Joker to have changed just a little. A different painted face. A different suit. Just something to prove that life had gone on. The Joker grinned and waved the arm I had broken in my face.

"All better now Bird Brain!"

"Shame. This time I'll break it right. Body cast sound nice?"

"Sounds delightful but I'm here with a message."

I lowered my eskrima sticks in confusion. "From who?"

"Your Master."

"What?"

The Joker's grin turned mocking and he knew that with two words he had unsettled me. He prowled around me, never blinking and always smirking at me.

"Imagine my surprise to learn that the brat I had killed had not only come back from the dead but gone and found another mentor. You're like a parasite!"

"Look who's talking!"

"Do you want to hear the message or not? I'll take your silence as a yes then. Your Master reminds you that you are not invulnerable and if you don't co-operate he will start on your friends." A different shadow slipped over The Joker's face, the light of insanity grew brighter in his eyes and I brought my eskrima sticks up in defence. "Hey, think he'll let me play with Red Hood?"

I stiffened and growled. "Stay away from him."

"Such a strong young man, fresh, innocent. Maybe I can make him sing like you did. Do you think he bleeds as prettily as you?"

"SHUT UP!"

I lunged at the Joker but like a wisp of smoke he swirled away.

"Oh, I struck a nerve! What's the matter Boy Blunder? Are you jealous? My crowbar has missed you but maybe it could meet Red Hood."

An enraged cry escaped my lips and I swung my eskrima sticks in the direction of The Joker. It was immensely satisfying when they connected with his shins and he crashed to the ground. It was always empowering to see The Joker on the floor because of me. To see our places reversed. He had stood over me and murdered me, one day soon I would repay the favour. I crouched over him and seized the front of his suit, fear leaked into his eyes. Yes, he knew what I could do to him.

"If you _ever_ touch Red Hood I will personally castrate and skin you. You'll wish that Slade had caught you instead." I snarled.

I bounced his head against the floor and only stopped when his blood began to mix with Victor's. Dazed eyes stared up at me as he struggled to focus but still he smiled.

"Mmm...think I might go after him anyway. Can you keep him safe?"

His fist connected with my temple and sent me toppling over him and clinging to consciousness. When I finally managed to shake away the darkness the mad clown was long gone and I had a wild urge to get home.

...

I burst into the Watch Tower and sprinted past Artemis and M'gann. They called after me but their voices got lost in the panic of my mind. All I wanted was Jason. I nearly sent Canary flying in my need to find him. Flash plucked me out of my sprint mid-stride and brought me to a sudden stop. My chest heaved and frantic eyes met his, Flash's face twisted.

"Jesus, Dick. Breathe." He coached.

"W-where's Jason?" I panted.

"Kitchen, I think. Whoa buddy; where did you go? Bats and Superman are out there looking for you and you nearly gave Conner a heart-attack."

"I had too...had too...Argh! I need to talk to Jason. Where are Tim and Damien?"

"They're in the kitchen too. Are you all right, kid? You're bleeding."

His fingers went to brush against my head but I shoved passed him and bolted into the kitchen. My brothers looked up at my sudden appearance and Tim opened his mouth to speak but I launched myself at his tiny body and snatched him against me.

"Oh God. Oh God. Oh God." I chanted.

"Uh...Dick?"

I released Tim and turned to Damien before he could even blink. My youngest brother struggled briefly but soon gave up and reached small arms around me. Jason studied me from his place by the fridge, a piece of chocolate half way to his lips. He would never know how good it was to see him safe. The relief made me lightheaded. The Joker hadn't touched him. He never would. Jason raised an eyebrow at me and stepped cautiously forward.

"You OK, bro?" He questioned.

By now Wally, Artemis, M'gann and Conner had made their way into the kitchen but I didn't care and dragged Jason against my chest. Jason's arms hovered above me for a few moments before they folded around my shoulders.

"What's the matter, Dick? Where did you go?"

"I...I..."

Damien spun around and slammed the door in our team's faces with a mumbled 'family meeting.' There were outraged cries from behind the wood but no one tried to get in. Jason stepped back and peered into my eyes but to my relief he kept one hand on my arm.

"Calm down. Now, what happened?"

"I went to Victor's body in Bludhaven."

"Dick!" Tim scolded.

Jason nodded. "What else? Slade?"

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around my chest in defence. "The Joker was waiting for me."

"WHAT?"

Jason's hands were suddenly all over my body, assessing for injuries and I hated the fear the sentence put in his face. Tim and Damien's eyes were wide with terror and dread. But I couldn't really blame them.

"Are you OK? Did he hurt you?" Tim demanded.

"No. I'm fine."

"Bullshit." Jason spat. "You're bleeding. Damien get me a cloth."

Damien chucked Jason a wadded up cloth that was instantly pressed against my head.

"M'gann's gonna kill you if I stain her cloth."

"She'll deal." Jason dismissed. "What did The Joker want?"

The kitchen door slid open and Batman stepped into the crowded room. There was anger on his face but it melted at the sight of my blood and my baby brothers' wide eyes.

"A present from The Joker." Jason informed him dryly. "Dick was just about to tell us what he wanted."

I couldn't tell Jason that The Joker wanted him. I wouldn't be responsible for his fear or nightmares.

"To give me a message. He's working with Slade. I must be special; I have two insane men trying to kill me."

Batman surged forward and took me out of Red Hood's arms and briefly touched his hand to my cheek. He didn't say anything but I understood the message.

_I've got your back, son._

_I won't let him hurt you._

_We'll take them both down together._

But the real question in my mind was simple. When push comes to shove; who will it be? Me or Jason?


	10. Second reunions

A/N: Thank you so much for all your support. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint.

...

Listen to the black Raven sing.

Second reunions.

Dick.

_"Hey, think he'll let me play with Red Hood?"_

The Joker's threat revolved around in my head and chipped away at me. How could I protect Jason when I couldn't protect myself? And now The Joker was working with Slade, both of my nightmares had merged into one. I was in over my head, unable to sleep and terrified of every shadow. Tree branches scrapped across the glass of my bedroom and cast eerie spectres onto the floor.

_Play with Red Hood?_

_My crowbar has missed you but maybe it could meet Red Hood._

My stomach heaved and I rolled over to bury my face in my pillow. Should I have told Jason? Did he deserve to know? Jason wasn't me. He couldn't handle what The Joker wanted to do to him. I could barely handle it.

"_No! Stop! It hurts! BATMAN! STOP IT!"_

_-THWACK!-_

The ghost of the bar fell across my back and phantom cuts split my skin. A yelp built up in my throat but I tried to clamp down on the sound; he couldn't know it hurt. Batman would be disappointed. The blow fell again across my shins and the bones shattered into sharp pieces that pierced through my skin.

"Keep singing birdie! More! Louder! LOUDER! Twenty three broken bones!"

I pulled my knees into my chest to try and protect my organs and pressed my hands to my mouth. I tried too hard to keep the noises in and bit through my lip, blood leaked from the corner of my mouth. I wanted my dad to come and save me like he always promised he would but the door never opened. Pain shot down my side and across my chest.

"Twenty- eight!"

The pain made me try to roll away from the blows that rained down on me. I threw myself sideways and hit my head against the wall with a loud thump. The Joker cackled at me and his backhand sent me crashing to the floor in a pitiful heap. I couldn't see through the blood pouring over my face, obscuring my vision red. The crowbar hit my chest and nearly split me open, the blood never stopped flowing.

"STOP! NO MORE!"

Hands grabbed me and pulled me away from the floor and kept me still. I couldn't wait for the next wave of pain and swung my fist wildly upward. I didn't know what I hit, I just had to move, had to fight. The hands across my shoulders loosened with a cry and I backed myself into a corner with a growl. The pain made me tremble and I huddled in confusion and fear. I didn't understand anything. The Joker laughed but there were other voices; calling for me through the fog.

"Dickie, you're safe. Just breathe."

Frightened, I drew even further into the wall, not bothering to try and find the face behind the voice. But someone was crying quietly and I slowly felt myself attack to reality again.

"You're home, son. You're at the Manor and no one here will hurt you."

"Daddy?"

"That's right. I'm right here. You're safe."

I blinked once and when I opened my eyes I stared into Bruce's frightened face. His large hands framed my face, wiping tears from my cheeks but they trembled slightly. I launched myself at him, pressing my face into his chest and garbled a sob.

"He got me again. It hurt. Daddy..."

"Ssh, baby, shh. They won't get you again. Hey, ssh; we know now. We know what Slade wants and he isn't going to get it."

"But...but...The Joker. He's working with Slade. I can't...I can't..."

Bruce squeezed me against his chest and tucked my head underneath his chin. His loving touch chased away the lingering pain on my scarred body.

"Seeing The Joker again has really messed you up, hasn't it?"

I sniffed and nodded. "I didn't expect to see him there and he shut me in a warehouse. I thought he was going to attack me again."

"But he didn't?"

"No. I got him good."

Bruce laughed. "That's my boy."

"I hit someone earlier. Who?"

"You're forgiven."

I pulled away from him and studied his face; I hadn't struck him and my stomach fell. One of my little brothers. The very people I had sworn to protect with my life.

"Who?"

"Tim."

I struggled to my feet and swayed as a wave of vertigo hit me and threatened to send me back down to the floor. Bruce steadied me when I stumbled over air.

"Where is he?"

"I think Jason took him to the bathroom."

"Is it bad?"

"There was a bit of blood."

"No!"

I bolted away from him and threw open the bathroom door. Tim sat perched on the edge of the bath with a wad of tissue pressed against his nose. Jason sat beside him with a roll of toilet paper, Damien at his feet. The fear in their eyes nearly killed me, Damien subtly shifted away from me. As I watched them, Jason took the stained tissue away from Tim and pressed another to his nose. Tim winced and I had enough time to see the blood leaking from both nostrils and flaking on his chin.

"I'm sorry Timmy."

My brother adverted his eyes and shrugged, Jason wouldn't even look at me. I wanted to die all over again, turn back time, anything to take away that look in their eyes. The nausea rolled in my stomach and suddenly I couldn't keep it down. I clamped my hand over my mouth and sprinted into Bruce's bathroom down the hall. I barely had enough time to get myself positioned over the toilet before my lunch made a reappearance. The acid burnt my throat and stung my nose and splattered against the bowl in a way that made me cringe. Then I made everything worse when I burst into noisy sobs that made my chest hurt. When I finally stopped trying to expel everything from my stomach I slumped against the seat and tried to find the strength to move. A small hand reached over my head and flushed the toilet for me and dabbed at my mouth and chin with a damp flannel. Tim smiled softly at me and scraped my hair away from my sweaty forehead.

"Tim; I'm sorry. I thought I was with The Joker again."

"I realised that the second you started counting. It's all right, Dick. You just took me by surprise. I'm OK."

His nose looked red and sore and bruising was already starting to form underneath his eyes but it wasn't broken.

"I don't want you to be scared of me. I'm not Slade and I'm not The Joker."

Tim frowned and settled me against the bathroom wall. "I could never be scared of you, Dickie. You're made of gold."

"But you and Jason...couldn't look at me and Damien didn't want me near him."

"That's not what it meant, Dick. We can't stand that you got hurt; sometimes it hurts us to look at you and know what you went through. Knowing that you died the way you did and when you were resurrected Slade found you, not us, keeps us up a night. And seeing you earlier, frightened of someone that wasn't there was too much."

I brushed my hand against Tim's cheek and waited until he looked at me.

"You don't need to feel guilty Timbo. It sucks but it happened. I'm just glad it wasn't one of you. I can cope with anything they can throw at me."

"But you shouldn't have too. You're my big brother and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I heard Bruce say earlier that you're safe here but I don't think you believe him. There's something I need to tell you, OK?"

"What?"

"I became Red Robin to make sure that what happened to you didn't happen to Damien and Jason. I'm so much stronger than I used to be and I owe it all to you. Now I have the strength to protect you. You don't have to be scared."

How could this boy be real? How could any of them be real? They were all so beautiful and perfect.

"What did I do to deserve you, Tim?"

Tim beamed and pulled me from the floor again. "The real question is; what did we do to deserve you?"

"Are you sure you're OK?"

"I'm fine. What about you?"

"I'm always OK. I wanna watch a film."

"Great! Give me a sec and I'll grab Damien and Jason, maybe even Bruce. What film do you want to watch?"

"Exorcist!"

Tim rolled his eyes. "Fine but you're dealing with Damien's nightmares."

"Deal."

I turned to leave the bathroom and Tim plastered himself against my back tightly.

"I love you big bro."

"Love you too."

...

"Nightwing." Canary called. I looked up from the computer screen. "Red Arrow's here."

"Roy?"

"Yeah."

"What did you tell him?"

"That an old friend needed him. He came running."

I let out a gust of air and rocked back on my chair. "Be right there."

Canary left without a word and the door slammed shut behind her. Even though I needed to keep Roy safe, I was wary about seeing him again. He had such a temper and felt betrayal much easier than the others. But he had been an older brother to me and I had missed him something rotten. I shut the computer down, adjusted my mask and paced to the door only to pause outside and stare dumbly at it. Maybe I could just hide away in here all day until they forgot. But I owed him. He needed to know why his life was in danger. I opened the door and stalked out into the living room, Red Hood and Kid Flash fell in behind me.

"You ready?" Red Hood asked.

"Yeah. But be ready; he's more likely to hit me."

"He won't. Bet you he faints or screams." Kid Flash giggled.

"You're on!" Hood grinned.

They smacks palms above my head and broke away as I entered the living room and stopped in the middle of the League. Roy stood in the centre of the circle, bow strapped to his back and a mask over his eyes. It was a punch to the gut to see him again but I felt the giddiness of excitement.

"Roy!"

The red haired archer turned to me with a raised eyebrow and a frown.

"And you are?" He drawled.

"Do you ever smile? I mean; you must have done it once, right?"

There was a surprised silence around me, both of Red Arrow's eyebrows raised ad he crossed his arms over his chest. Kid Flash chocked on a laugh and I heard Red Hood snigger.

"Nightwing." Artemis groaned. "Don't."

"I'm serious; I don't think I've seen you smile once in all the years I've known you. Don't you agree, Kid Flash?"

The Speedster swallowed back a chortle and stepped closer to me, his eyes bright with amusement. I could do this. Make them smile again.

"I completely agree. Maybe he just doesn't know how."

Red Arrow growled. "Shut it, Kid Idiot. I'll ask again; who are you?"

I clutched at my heart. "Oh you wound me! I can't believe you don't remember me. Wally! He doesn't love me anymore!"

Red Hood was nearly red and his shoulders were heaving, trying desperately to hide his amusement. Kid Flash folded his arm around my shoulders and pulled me dramatically against his chest, patting the top of my head soothingly. I let loud; obnoxious dry sobs escape my lips and out of the corner of my eye saw Red Arrow shift uneasily.

"Oh Roy!" Kid Flash gasped. "How could you? He was so excited to see you again and you've just broken his heart!"

"Uh...let me look at him again."

"Why should I? You'll make him cry again! Ssh, Nightwing, it's OK. I won't let the mean man near you."

Batman wondered into the room in time to hear my loudest wail and just rolled his eyes at me. Flash face palmed and turned away to talk to the silently giggling Canary. Superman just looked baffled and maybe a little concerned for Red Arrow.

"Give me strength." Red Arrow muttered and forcibly tugged me away from Kid Flash's chest to study me. "I know you?"

"Yup."

"When?"

"Well...I was about this high." Red Arrow's eyes fixed on my hand as I measured out my height from all those years ago. "Had a red and green costume." His eyes widened and his face paled. "And went by R-."

"Robin?"

"Yeah."

He let out a wheeze that sounded painful and his fingers dug into my shoulders. "This is some sick joke, right?"

"No. I'm really back, Roy."

"Prove it."

I pulled my mask off and Red Arrow flinched like I'd punched him. Kid Flash seemed to realise that Red Arrow was barely standing and moved to brace him.

"OK. The week before I died, you yelled at me because I went out in Gotham without Batman and nearly broke my arm."

"Anyone could know that."

"You're Speedy."

"Public knowledge."

"We're blood brothers. You, me and Wally. Here." I dragged my nail across my index finger and peered up into his covered eyes. "We got blood on the carpet and Jason freaked out on us when he saw. Bruce grounded me."

Red Arrow let out a garbled laugh and stepped up closer to me.

"Damn Dickie; you grew up."

"And you haven't changed."

He gave a boisterous laugh and swept me into an embrace that took my feet of the floor. He set me back on the ground and I saw his knee come up toward my stomach at the last second yet made no attempt to move. The force knocked the breath from my lungs and made my knees weak. Robin growled and Red Arrow smirked down at me.

"Suppose I deserved that." I allowed.

"Damn right you did. Now, explain to me what the hell happened to you?"

"I'll tell you when Zatanna and Babs get here."

Red Arrow whistled "You gonna make it out of that conversation alive, kid?"

"Probably not."

...

"RICHARD JOHN GRAYSON!"

"Shit." Red Hood exclaimed. "She can yell."

Zatanna marched up to me with her hands balled into angry fists in front of her. I rose from the chair to greet the angry spell caster.

"Hi Zatanna."

"Three years an all you have to say is 'hi'?"

"What do you want me to say?"

Zatanna tossed her hair over her shoulder and planted her hands on her hips. A swirl of irritation rose in me but I squashed it ruthlessly down. Robin angled himself toward me slightly, his knee almost touching the back of mine.

"How about an explanation? Batman came back in a state and told us you were dead! You're obviously not; was it just a ploy?"

"You'll have to wait until Barbra gets here, I'm not telling the same story three times today."

"Barbra! You're dragging that poor woman into this as well! Leave her be, Dick. You tore her apart when you disappeared."

"Zatanna! Enough!" I snarled.

Her mouth clicked shut and she glared murderously at me. Robin took my hand in his and slowly uncurled the fist I hadn't realised I'd made. Kid Flash's hand fell on my shoulder and he wordlessly dragged me back down to the chair. When I was seated, he pointed to the free chair opposite me and Zatanna silently sank into it.

"I'm sorry that you're so upset, Zatanna. If things had gone the way I had planned none of you would have known I was back in Gotham. I was only gonna be here a day or two; I just wanted to make sure that everyone was OK. Then I was gonna go again and not come back."

"Hey, man." Red Arrow interrupted. "That's a little extreme. Surely you would have come back at some point?"

I shook my head. "I'm a wanted man, Roy. I've got two psychos' who have put a price on my head. I got sloppy and the Bat Clan got wind of me. Forgot how hard it was to shake them once they were interested. Jason let himself get beaten up just to talk to me."

"Figures." Artemis scoffed.

"Why didn't you want us to know?" Zatanna nearly begged.

"We should wait for Barbra. I can't tell this without her here."

"I'm here Dick."

I froze and could only hear my heart beat inside my chest. She sounded exactly the same as she had done the last time I had seen her. Confident, sure and gorgeous. I stood slowly, my legs felt like useless lumps of lead and turned to look at her.

"Babs."

She beamed at me and I felt suddenly weak in the knees. She looked beautiful, auburn hair slightly longer and her face slightly older but still my girl. I was aware that a hush had fallen over my friends and that everyone's eyes were locked on us but I couldn't look away from her.

"I...I..." I made nonessential noises with my tongue and couldn't find the right words.

Barbra rolled wet blue eyes and held her arms out to me. "Give me a hug, idiot."

I rushed at her and swept her up, nearly squeezing the life out of her. The thought of Barbra had kept me strong when Slade cut me apart. Kept me honest when women threw themselves at the strength of Nightwing. Her body in my arms was something I thought I would never feel again and I buried my face in her hair. She still smelt of strawberries and cinnamon but still had all the strength of Batgirl. She clutched at my costume, straining the fabric and she trembled.

"I missed you." She confessed.

"I missed you too. More than I can ever say."

"What happened to you?"

Barbra felt me stiffen and glance stubbornly away from her; she pulled back and raised worried eyes to mine. Even though I had promised them that I would tell them, I didn't want to. Not Barbra. I never wanted her to know my dark secrets. Dainty hands danced across my face and across my lips until I had no choice but to look down at her.

"It can't be that bad."

"Oh, it can." Red Hood scoffed. "Don't let him tell you otherwise."

"Jay."

"No way, bro. I'm gonna make sure everyone knows how much you've gone through."

"I haven't...I'm not...I'm OK."

This time Red Robin snorted and sat down on the chair I had previously been in. Underneath his mask I could still see the bruising I had put there.

"Sure, you are. So you didn't have a flash back last night and nearly break my nose?"

I flinched and crossed my arms defensively over my chest. Kid Flash's eyes grew in concern and Zatanna's lost some of the anger. Barbra looped her arm through my elbow and smiled softly.

"Tell us." She urged.

"Sit down, it'll take a while."

Robin shuffled down the couch and let me sit down beside him; Barbra folded down next to me and reached for my hand. Red Arrow perched on the edge of his seat and leant forward until his knees were nearly touching mine. Zatanna curled up against the arm of the couch and played with the fingers on her gloves.

"Long story short; everything you think happened that night did. The Joker did kidnap me while I was in Germany; he beat me senseless with a crowbar and then blew me up. I...died. That's true. I didn't survive."

Barbra's hand suddenly tightened on mine, her nails digging painfully into my skin and her eyes clenched shut. Red Arrow pressed his knuckles against my knee and sighed.

"After Tim told me you were back, I suppose I hoped that you faked your death somehow. I couldn't stand the thought that you really died." Barbra whispered.

"Yeah. Tim said the same thing last night. Do you want to hear everything?"

"Does it get worse?"

"Yeah."

"We need to know, Dick." Zatanna pleaded.

"If you're sure. I was dead for two years; I don't remember anything except darkness. Then about a year ago I woke up in well...a crypt. I think. There was a man standing over me; Slade. Though you probably know him as Deathstroke."

Barbra gasped and Red Arrow's face lost the small amount of colour it had gained.

"Oh no. Not him please, anyone but him." Barbra sounded utterly heartbroken. "Please."

"Hey. I'm OK. A little worse for wear but I'm good."

Barbra smiled through her tears and ignored it when Red Hood coughed out 'Liar'. I bumped my hand against Red Arrow's knees and for the first time in years I forced a weak smile out of him.

"Why was Slade there?" Zatanna asked.

"Apparently he had been watching me since my Robin days and had finally found a way to bring me back. Something called a Lazarus Pit. He wanted me to be his Apprentice as a way to show my thanks."

"A Lazarus Pit?" Red Robin repeated. "Why are we only just hearing about this?"

I shrugged. "Slipped my mind."

"Explain more later." Robin snapped.

"Fine. Anyway; once Slade had me, it was hard to persuade him to let me go. You don't need to know everything that happened between us. I won't tell you. Just know he cut me into tiny pieces and stitched me back together every other day. I got the chance to run about six weeks ago, spent a few days living on the streets and accidently attracted Batman's attention. That's about it."

Barbra frowned and turned to look at Red Hood. "There's more?"

"A lot more. Idiot hasn't even told me though. Oh, he's just forgotten to mention that Slade has made another threat toward him."

"What?" Red Arrow hissed.

"It's why you're here. Slade will go after anyone to get to me and if you're here I know you're safe."

"Works both ways Dick." Kid Flash reminded.

I pulled Barbra into the circle of my arms and clutched to her and my Master's promised threats whispered in my ears. Barbra wrapped her arms around my neck and let me hide in the darkness of her shoulder.

"We've got a problem." Superman announced as he appeared in the doorway.

"What?" Red Hood asked.

"Batman's gone AWOL."

I raised my head and stared into my Uncle's face. "Excuse me?"

"We think he's gone after the Joker."

"Of course he has." I pushed Barbra off my lap and checked my eskrima sticks were attached to my leg. "Bet I know where. Red Arrow, Superboy, with me. The rest of you stay here."

"What? Why?" Red Hood protested. "We can fight."

"This once do as I say."

"Dick. This is stupid." Red Robin argued.

"I said stay here! You'll end up being a liability to me."

I turned away so I didn't have to see the hurt flash across their faces. I dropped Barbra's hand like it had burned me and marched away from them, Red Arrow and Superboy followed obediently behind me.

"Dude, wasn't that a little harsh?" Red Arrow asked.

"Probably but I'd rather they hated me instead of getting themselves killed out there. When we get out there you do exactly as I say. No heroics. If I say run, you run. Do not come back for me."

"Dick? You keeping secrets again?" Conner suggested.

"You should know by now, Supes. I'm made of secrets."


End file.
